A Thousand Words for Farce Part 1 : The Trial

[Disclaimer: This will post views that will most likely oppose yours. If you have a problem with that, and will get your panties in a bunch after reading this and proceed to swear at me mindlessly, stop reading.]

Flashback to 1971. Pakistan and the then East Pakistan are at war. Bangladesh has declared independence and it's nine month struggle towards that goal is ongoing. On the side of the Pakistani soldiers are some collaborators, terming themselves shanti committees (peace committees). These peace committees are Bangladeshis who want a united Pakistan. They are Muslim. And before someone starts saying this is me ranting about religion, no. Hindu-Muslim divides were the basis on which Pakistan and India separated. These shanti committees were against the independence of Bangladesh as the war was about language and oppression and they viewed this as fighting Muslim brothers. The shanti committees carried out heinous crimes. They murdered, raped and ordered complete annexes of villages. For 40 odd years, they got away scot free. Hell they even had political stands as the fundamentalist political party Jamaat-E-Islami, making ministers and leaders of the collaborators of the Pakistani army. The current govt., after screeching about it for years, finally took it upon themselves to bring the war criminals to justice. And so, various leaders (including former ministers) of Jamaat and BNP, the main opposition party who were in coalition with Jamaat, were rounded up and brought to trial in front of the newly formed International Crimes Tribunal (ICT). The International Crimes Tribunal may have International in the name but it's a wholly national matter.

Mass protests have erupted after the ICT delivered it's second verdict. The first, of Abul Kalam Azad, was a death sentence. The second one was not. Kader Mollah got off sentenced to life in prison. After that, if you'll excuse my French, shit hit the fan. Or actually, things were starting to boil even before that. Jamaat had called hartals (strikes) multiple times before the verdict and at one point, even threatened civil war. After this verdict, they went quiet. But what no one anticipated was the uproar of the general populace. Thousands flocked to Shahbagh, which has now been termed "Projonmo Chottor" (Generation Circle) after a brief stint as Shahbagh Square. They've been there since the day of the verdict. They say they'll stay there till the sentence is changed to a death sentence. When I went there on Wednesday, the first thing I saw was an ominous effigy, hanging silently from the traffic lights. In the main circle, speeches, chants and songs sound out (since then, they've added microphones and speaker systems), Some of these chants included "Kader Mollah jobai chai" (I want the slaughter of Kader Mollah) and the crowd favourite, "faashi chai" (I want a hanging).

Not the effigy I was talking about, couldn't find a picture of that, but you get the point.

Now as to my standpoint on this. I have never advocated capital punishment. I still do not. I never will. That's just me. I cannot under any circumstance bring myself to go there and scream "faashi chai". In fact, what I saw at Shahbagh repulsed me. Bloodlusted animals. That is what we've become in that square.

Let me explain further; the ICT is a farce (and this is a word I shall use often). I'll break up why the ICT is a farce into three parts.

1) The judiciary is not independent. It claims to be but come on, Bangladeshis know better than that. And there's a certain Economist article which seems to suggest my accusation might be right. Govt. pressure was definitely there on the tribunal. Whether they caved to it or not, is another issue and I will not say for sure they did.

2) The evidence is farcical. Hell, they're lucky they got a decision at all. Most of what happened in these courts was hearsay. Hearsay. How does hearsay EVER have any weight in a court of law? There were "eye-witnesses" sure. Most contradicted themselves by giving different versions of their stories on the stand and in the interview with the Investigation Officer. The others were unreliable, mostly Awami League (the ruling govt.) supporters. That is of course not to say their statements should not be counted. As eye witnesses they are the key, heck, the only pieces of evidence in a trial 40 years overdue. But if this were a court adhering to international standards, yeah, no. Nowhere near sufficient evidence.

3) And speaking of international standards, the ICT was nowhere near it. When the foreign minister came out after the verdict of Abul Kalam Azad and said that the trial met "the requirements of fair trial in compliance with the standards invoked in other trials of international crimes committed around the globe and historically", it was laughable. Witness intimidation was rampant, the number of defence witnesses were randomly curtailed, summons were not given out for defence witnesses, defence cases closed before they got the chance to summon a witness, etc. One witness was even abducted outside the courtroom. Forget international standards, this doesn't even live up to Bangladeshi standards.

Lets assume that the ICT did resist govt. pressure. According to a friend, who's father is a judge at ICT-2 (the court where Kader Mollah was tried), Kader Mollah was not tried for first degree murder whereas Abul Kalam Azad, or as he is better known now, Bacchu Razakar, was. Bacchu pulled the trigger himself. Kader didn't. Kader handed out orders. Thus he cannot be tried for first degree murder and was thus instead charged as having "complicity" to murder. When someone is charged for this, they, by law, cannot receive a death sentence. The highest level of punishment available to them, is life imprisonment and thus Bacchu received the death penalty while Kader was sentenced to life in prison.

Let's now assume that the govt. did get their way (which is not all that unlikely). Why would they want to lower his sentence? If anything this govt. desired more than stuffing cash down their pockets (or sarees), it was to get this war crimes thing done and dusted. One theory is that they caved to Jamaati pressure. Jamaat is a fundamentalist party. Fundamentalists are generally synonymous with fanatics. So when Jamaat threatened civil war, they could very well carry it out. So to keep them happy, they could've lowered the man's sentence.

The guilty party

Now thousands upon thousands have invaded Shahbagh to scream for his blood. I will not call this a well orchestrated govt. plot. They're not smart enough for this type of foresight. But what they want, a death penalty, is quite unattainable. The man was tried as complicity not as first degree murder. You can't give him death for that. For the govt. to overrule this would be to overrule the entire justice system, the law and democracy itself and embrace totalitarian fascism. For them to overrule it would set a dangerous precedent that might well come back to bite them in the ass one day. Completely possible in the vindictive world of the two dynasties of Bangladeshi politics. They cannot appeal this decision, by law. The only possible appeal the prosecution have is on the one charge Kader was acquitted. But that crime seems no worse than the rest, and to increase his sentence based on it, would be unjust. Don't get me wrong. The guy is guilty, I don't doubt that. He's a bastard and he deserves the highest punishment. But the verdict that the court has given should not be overruled on sentiment and emotion. If it is, why did we bother with a trial at all?


Corrigendum and Updates: I had stated that a death penalty was not possible for his charges. That is wrong. Under the ICT act, a judge has discretion to give anyone any punishment they deem is worthy of the crime for which that person is convicted. Not only that, for charges 5 and 6, he was convicted of more than complicity. Now, to give him death on the first three charges would be insane. They don't even have proof that the man was even at the scene of the crime. Normally, first degree murder and terrorism are the only charges for which one gets death penalties so we eliminate those three. For the next two, as has been pointed out to me and to which I agree, he COULD have gotten a death penalty. As to why he didn't, my thoughts are that it is because of failure on the part of the prosecution. To both cases, he was proven to have been at the scene of the crime, to have given moral support, to have been involved in planning and to have played a larger part than complicity. Now, for this, a death penalty could have been given out. But the prosecution could neither prove that he himself carried out any crimes at the scene nor that he had given orders for these crimes to be carried out. Three judges, then based on the evidence, unanimously convicted him guilty and handed him life imprisonments. To have given him a death penalty, would have been acceptable, but highly questionable and probably a bit extreme. I apologize for my mistake, but have not made a change in my standpoint of this entire farcical affair and it's fallout. 

Also, an update on a statement I made regarding whether the govt. could appeal this conviction. The law ministry has confirmed that it will be proposing an amendment to the ICT act so that they may appeal for a higher sentence.

For more reading in the meanwhile:

Bangladesh War Crimes Blog - British journo David Bergman has been following the trials from start to finish (though has been inactive since Bacchu's verdict). Read more on the witness intimidation and things I mentioned here.

Verdict summary of Kader in the Daily Star - Each case is talked about in detail here.

Possibly The Last Post

It's quite obvious that the blog is dying. From the highs we hit in May to August where our reader number inflated all the way up to the giddy heights of five to now, when I'm convinced only one of them is still alive. So before we go any further, let's thank dirtycowgirl for still being around, somewhat, but that being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got the hell out of this sinking ship now. It would be the sensible thing to do.

The year anniversary of the return to the blog has now past and the post planned for the occasion never turned into reality. Now there are three options for us. The first is to just quit and go away and pretend this sad excuse for a blog never existed. Maybe that would be best. The second is to leave the confines of the services of the Google gods and move away to emo-fuckhole Tumblr or the confusing as hell Wordpress. More and more people like those things. You don't need Google IDs to comment. Sounds good. The third is to continue to struggle with our lonely blog as we have for so long. We could start posting more. But without any comments and shit, what's in it for us? Why should we be motivated to continue?

The demise of this blog is not only due to the abandonment of 4 of our readers. I suppose we have to take blame as well. We’re lazy bastards. We’ve always been lazy bastards but we used to still spew out more garbage for our few minions. What’s happened to us, Bad Ideas?

I suppose the initial excitement of finding out our blog is being read somewhere around the world has died down. The fluttery happiness of finding a new follower has vanished and has been replaced with cold indifference. We both have studies to pretend to do. A site named 9gag has stolen both our souls and now we spend more time than a sensible person should not spend on anything other than scrubbing his privates after seeing a lady of the night in Bangkok, on this site. I write more than I should as I churn out shitty writing for a shitty paper, which by the way was something Bad Ideas convinced me to do. He…watches anime. Both of us are sad fucks and pathetic excuses for, well not for human beings, pathetic excuses for people our age.

We’re socially awkward losers. There’s no denying it. But that’s probably why we have a blog. The internet is the safe haven of losers like us. But now I return to the original question posed by this incessantly long post, what do we do about the blog? I don’t expect any comments and replies. The lack will be answer enough. But somehow, deep down, I’m hoping somebody will tell us to stay. But whether that will happen remains to be seen. And now, goodbye, perhaps for the last time.

That Guy

Oh and here’s a picture of Good Guy Greg. A meme. Something I found on 9gag.

Not-So-Essential Crowpoop: Sanity

[This story is vague to say the least. It's definitely not like anything I've written on the blog before. It's not funny. It just is. With that being said, perhaps my 4 readers, you shall be able to deal with such change and vote for my story on the poll to decide the contest. The poll shall accompany Bad Ideas' story. Also, like the damn Facebook page.]

Imagine a place. Make it a nice place; a small town preferably. Now, destroy it. Pillage it, plunder it. Annihilate, obliterate and devastate. Leave nothing unscathed. Demolish the ruins. Kill whoever the plague did not claim. Do not discriminate, racism and sexism is wrong. Women, children, elderly, set them on fire and watch them burn. Have you done it? Good. This is where I am. My name is Crow Poop. Does that make you laugh? It should. This is what the world has become. See it through my eyes.

Humanity has imploded. No, you cannot call it humanity anymore, not when humans act like dogs fighting on the streets, frothing at the mouths. And to think, just a year ago, I was happy. She was alive. And now, I have her blood on my hands. Haha. I can’t particularly complain though. Her cooking was terrible. Maybe the plague wasn’t so bad. No, no, shouldn’t laugh.

Contrary to what you may think after reading thus far, the plague isn’t what’s killing us. No. The plague has passed. It claimed a few billion, yes. But no, what’s killing us, is us. When the plague swept through, the leaders of the planet died. Countries dissolved. Nobody could operate on a scale larger than a city. In the end, it was just a bunch of survivors scrambling together to stay alive. And in one year, what has become of globalisation? Huh? Nobody much cares for economic recession anymore.

This town was taken over. They came. They had firearms that we were no match for. They came, and they conquered. They put the elderly to labour, they raped our women. Another reason I’m happy I killed her when I did. Put her out of her misery. She wouldn’t have liked what the world has become. Haha. I’m sorry. It was jus- just a funny way to die. You see, she came charging at me and I- you know what, forget it. It doesn’t matter. She’s dead. She’s rotting somewhere, her flesh now food for rats.

I like rats. Cute little creatures. And they squeak just before they die, if you squeeze them hard enough. And now, in this destroyed wasteland community, rats are fine dining. Skewer one and roast it on a fire. Delicious.

The battle for this town, if you can call it that, lasted all of one hour. Probably would’ve been over quicker if our “brave” defenders didn’t hide and cower like little children. They, the conquerors, didn’t have to do much. They just stood there, their guns at the ready. And almost as if reading their minds, our men with all their superior intellect charged at them, screaming something about freedom or liberty or some similar fictional concept they still thought they had. That is before they were shot to ribbons. Morons. Haha. No, I apologize. Death is not something to joke about. It’s merely the punch-line to the greatest joke of all.

You would think that with civilization nearly dissolved, religion would be irrelevant. You’d think people would stop bothering to go to listen to an old man preach random bullshit every Sunday, that they would stop bothering to bend over 5 times a day. You’d think they’d stop believing that an imaginary man in the sky will grant them favour. Idiots. People still pray to Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha and whoever else they think will come down from the heavens with 72 virgins for them. I feel sorry for them. But then I stop. It’s their own choice if they wish to leave their fates up to blind faith in an imaginary deity. Jackasses.

The sun used to represent hope. Now, it’s just a hot ball of gas, beating down on us. The rulers, the colonial masters, they’re comfortably off. They have working air conditioners, they have proper food and they have women to do whatever their sick imaginations concoct. Outside their palaces are the regular people. They live in stifling conditions, those who were once prosperous now enveloped in poverty. Haha. Serves them right. Made their money of bribes and murder, how does it feel now? Living on the streets; a cardboard box all the shelter from acid rain and ultraviolet rays of the sun. Haha. Did I mention they were idiots?

The streets are scattered with corpses and crying infants. Nobody cares for these children. Neither should they. Little snot-nosed mouth-breathers, never liked the beastly little creatures myself. I stand on the roofs of one of the last tall buildings that still stands. The asylum. It’s supposed to keep me locked up and forgotten, but it doesn’t take much to open the doors. Just a small pin would do the trick.

The living, now resembling the walking dead, will look up. They will hail my silhouette, standing between them and the sun, as their saviour. They will cry out for me to bring them salvation. And I will laugh. And I will defecate on them. And I will shatter whatever sliver of hope they still hold on to. And while they lie on the streets, shit oozing down their faces, tears will escape their eyes. And I will laugh. Haha.

The world is hopeless. Society has fallen. Everybody’s lost their minds. They’re quiet, but their minds run riot. Plain fucking loony. They try to pretend they’re alright, but I know better. I know the mental anguish. But I’m strong. I’ve overcome the trauma. I’m the only sane one left. But what is it to be sane in a world that is insane? Has the idea of sanity now been altered as the norm is now to be crazy? Or is it something, one of the only things, that has remained the same after the world ended? Whatever’s happened, I know one thing. I feel fine.

Interviewing A Deity

Before we get started on the post there are two things. One is our first poll results. Thanks to everyone who voted. We got:

• 11 votes for "Add them both". But sadly, we don't care about your opinion in the slightest.
• 5 votes for "I don't care". Then don't freakin' vote, jackass.
• 4 votes for "Don't add more writers". Why are you so afraid of change? You voted against Obama didn't you?
• 2 votes for "Add just 1". I'll add as many as I like.
• 1 vote for "They should replace you two" . I appreciate the honesty.

Second thing, in this post we will be interviewing The Librarian (the better choice when compared to other failed gods). The god of Librarianism which is the religion we follow. To learn more of Librarianism please follow the links to Encyclopedia Librarica Book 1 and Book 2.

We also introduce a new character in this post. He is named the Rowdykid. He's like what Christians call the devil but he's emo. A picture is shown below.

He resides in the Not-so-Great Emo Concert at the centre of the earth. Now onto the interview.

That Guy and Bad Ideas : How do we know you're really god?

Librarian : Well, I did the "Virgin" Mary. She was a freak! I have pictures. Then I left her with a kid. This is why Jesus was such a troubled man., going around and spreading lies about some other god instead of preaching my awesomeness. That is why he now resides in The Not-so-Great Emo Concert at the Centre of the Earth.

TG & BI : Why Library?

Librarian : *awkward silence* I'm not quite sure, ask the Great Apothecary, he might know. PSYCH! You must be a serious jackass to believe there's a huge pharmacist in the sky. But then again you believed in Zeus. Man, I really dropped the ball while creating your species.

TG & BI : Is there a life after death?

Librarian: Well its called death because its not life ; its death. If you are good in life, you go to The Great Library In The Sky. Otherwise I SEND you to the Not-so-Great Emo Concert. Method of trasport? Fat American. How does it work? You ride him.

TG & BI : What is your gender?

Librarian: If the Bible and other blasphemous works, got one thing right, its that I'm a dude. (Sorry for any confusion little heathen/pagan friends). And as for proof, ask your mama.

TG & BI : What food do you eat?

Librarian : Intelligence of generations. Makes sense, doesn't it?

TG & BI : How many times a day do you shit?

Librarian : Look at it this way ; each time I shit, somebody dies in the world. I have perpetual diarrhoea. *Looks around awkwardly* Next question.

TG & BI : What are your opinions on fake religions such as Christianity or Islam?

Librarian : Damn fuckin' hilarious! Can you believe they fell for that stuff about not shaving making you holy? I don't sleep with their women, I leave that to the Rowdykid. Jews are okay though. They invented Jew-Jitsu.

TG & BI : No they didn't.

Librarian : What? Jew-Jitsu is Chinese? Rowdykid-dammit! I curse them with an eternity of being victims of 50% of the world's racist jokes.

TG & BI : What advice do you have to give to today's youth on drugs?

Librarian : Drugs are whack, yo. In fact, I'm completely baked. So are you. Keep that parcel I gave you for later use. Its the good stuff.

TG & BI : Is Santa Claus real? And if he is, what about the Easter Bunny?

Librarian : Santa Claus is a homeless burglar who has bestiality issues. Especially when it comes to reindeer. That is why he has the beard and the bag. He lives in the North Pole because that is the only place where reindeer sex isn't outlawed. (There and Norway, but seriously, who wants to live in Norway?)

The Easter Bunny? Seriously? Have you ever wondered what a giant rabbit painting eggs and hiding them has to do with anything? No? Then my joke is working. Keep quiet, have another parcel.

TG & BI : What company should we invest in heavily to ensure the future of our families are secure?

Librarian : Well, I would go with Appl...

TG & BI : He said Google. Yep, thats what he said. Google. (Google gods, if you're reading this, please make us rich and famous. Not necessarily in that order).

TG & BI: Anything you'd like to tell our readers before we end?

Librarian : Comment. Or Chuck Norris will come after you. And press the awesomeness box repeatedly. And don't forget to click stuff on the next poll.

I guess I'd like to say Thank You. No joke.

Bad Ideas wanted to be nice this post. I guess he didn't like the hate comments on our previous posts as much as I did. So I guess we're going to do a thank you post and for once try and not be like Mellisa Leo and say "Fuck" during our thank you. Oh fuck, I just said it. Fuck, I did it again. Ok stop.

Well, this blog normally likes poking fun at a lot of things. We mock everything from reality, religion, the system, how idiots believe in a 2000 year old storybook and how obesity is sometimes a matter of national security. Its also pretty sad most of the time a blog of this quality goes unread. But enough complaining. Now is the time to thank our few readers, our followers/minions (you know what you're getting into when you press follow), our commentors (even you Anon 1,2,3 and 4) and all those people on the sidelines rooting for us (which is like 1 person).

This journey started when a 14 year old boy decided he bored and wanted to spout random nonsense at the internet, back in 09. Then the journey stopped a couple months later because I needed to go to the bathroom, then was forgotten like that stripper you married in Vegas and was renewed with more gusto and writers in the new year. Since then we have tackled numerous problems of the world (and posted very few solutions) such as online scams, zodiac changes, M. Night Shyamalan, obesity, religion and overpopulation. But now we have finally crossed the 15 followers mark. We're lazy so it took us till 33 followers to make this post. So now we must SEXY PARTAY!

We apologize for the street beggar in the middle. He's a party animal.

That Guy and Bad Ideas

Contemplating The Problems Of A Third World Hellhole Part 1

I live in Bangladesh. Bangladesh is a country like no other. It is the world's largest river delta, or in other words made entirely of stuff the other countries didn't want and dumped in their rivers. It is surrounded by evil India (by surrounded I mean we are located in India's asscrack) and shares a small border with Myanmar who isn't so much evil as largely unpleasant. The entire region is displayed in the below picture.

Banglaadesh is incredibly overpopulated. It is so overpopulated that not everyone fits in the country and must resort to standing on top of another person. Sort of like the below picture but uglier. I mean, if your neighbor on the floor above is being a loud asshole you don’t need to poke your roof with a broomstick, all you would need to do is swear at the person standing on top of you and tell him/her to pass it on in a session of Chinese Whisper. With any luck they will improve on your whispered abuse to make sure your intended message gets through.

We have 160 million people in Bangladesh and countless others underwater in the Evil Bay of Tsunamis. Bangladesh is the world's largest importer of Natural Disasters. Tsunamis, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Thunderstorms, Floods, Earthquakes (although if you see the previous posts you may realize that it may be more man made than you think). You name it and the chances are that we are plagued by it.

But back to the overpopulation. Bangladeshi's are dumb. They think just because they're poor they shouldn't buy condoms. Well what they don't understand is that by wearing protection they save costs in the long run. But they're idiots so nothing to do there. Maybe free condoms are the answer.

It doesn't help that Bangladeshi society is so conservative that people often mistake women for ninjas.(I'm not saying they aren't).

Say about 20 to 25 years ago, we had a lot less ninjas in Bangladesh; this is inversely proportional to the number ninjas in Japan. Back then it was, say 5% of all women, right now its 50%. These gauged figures may be fantastic news to which some religious bearded fellows would say ‘Inshallah/ Mashallah, today the idiots, tomorrow the upper-middle class!’ but to me it’s a doomsday hourglass-cum-time bomb and when the percentage reaches 100 it will be time for the second coming of Jesus and Armageddon shall be upon us. So, assassin or believer? Either ways,they are both several hundred years out of date.

Because of the country's unwavering faith in a book made by a prophet/ lying bastard/ retard, people do not indulge in pre-marital sex. This leads to very horny people. So when people do get married, they go batshit crazy and then BAM all of a sudden they have 10 kids and another 14 on the way. This leads to more people standing on top of you, which in turn leads to reduced average height. Yeah, it’s true; a lot of Bangladeshis are short (Thankfully, I’m not but sadly the same can’t be said for Bad Ideas). Damned human pyramids, you participate in them even once and you’re vertically crippled for life.

This hardly is all the problems that plague the not gay side of Bengal so expect another multiple part post in the near future.

That Guy and Bad Ideas

Eearthquake! No wait, its just a fat kid

I logged into my Facebook page yesterday night to find myself bombarded with updates about an earthquake. I had once more not felt it occur. The first thought that came into my head was "Oh my Librarian (see below Encyclopedia Librarica), I wonder if everyone's alright." but of course that’s bullshit. I would be very happy if somebody was trapped under rubble and I could go point and laugh. (Yes I'm an evil little boy. No the first thought that came into my mind was "How many of these people actually felt a tremor?" I find the phenomenon of people copying what other people do intriguing. It gives me the impression that other people are mindless slaves that do not understand the concept of individuality. It makes me feel special and reinforces my line of thought that most people are idiots.

But back to the earthquake, there were a few things that surprised me. One: That we have seismographs in the country. Two: That we know how to turn them on. But the third thing was how our “experts” determined that the tremor posted a 6.4 on the Richter Scale. The Haiti earthquake was 7 right? So that must mean that 6.4 should at least knock down a few buildings. Take away work from hard working demolition crews?

The last time there was an earthquake, a street vendor told me (pointing at a really fat girl on the street) : Bhai, kalke bhumikompo hoise na? Oije oi maiya poira gesilo. (Translation: Brother, you know the earthquake yesterday? It happened because she fell.) I was a bit stunned that some guy on the street comes to random strangers and insults fat people but I took one more look at the girl and collapsed laughing. This has led me to believe that the same girl could be the root of the problem once more. If you have any earthquake stories, comment below.

That Guy

P.S Elsewhere....

I can't help laugh

I'm one of those people who get bored say, every 20 seconds or so. But lucky for me, I am also hugely immature and laugh uncontrollably at stupid sounding words. Yes, this post shall have stupidity not seen since the epic "Obama isn't black" post. If you haven't seen it, its one of the earliest posts and its a mind numbingly stupid one at that.

So, the inspiration for this post comes from a friend of Bad Ideas who lives in Spain. I asked her to teach me some Spanish swear words. The result : Me laughing and banging my fist on my keyboard begging her to stop. Yes, I am going to list my all time favourite stupid sounding words.

In no particular order: Uranus, Doodle, Poopdeck, Gilligan (its a name), Regina, Arsenal, Pumpernickel, Tiki, Bush, puta (one of the spanish swear words I learnt today), putki ( bengali word. Can't mention what it means), Dickens.

I'm sorry you had to see that. But tell me that none of these brought up a giggle and I know you're lying. Hopefully the next one will be better but I honestly can't think of what to write.

That Guy

ENCYCLOPEDIA LIBRARICA BOOK 1 : THE BOOK OF THE RULES

What do you get when two idiots with nothing better to do are bored? (cue catchphrase...) RELIGION!

Thats right, we (Bad Ideas and That Guy) have started a new (and improved?) religion because we didn't think there were enough in the world. One god but only a couple hundred religions? That is why we decided to found one as well ... Librarianism.

Where do babies come from? You came from your mom, but obviously not the lazy ass sitting round your living room all day flipping through channels. Babies are born because the Great Librarian in the sky descends to your mom’s room and makes sweet love to her. We all have a part of the Librarian in us and therefore owe it to the Librarian to be quiet in the library and abide by his other simple rules or forever be cast into an abyss of bad television.

The Great Librarian's Book of Guidelines has set up a simple system for us to follow:

1. Be quiet in the library
2. Don’t tear or deface the knowledge pods in any way
3. Return all pods of knowledge before due date
4. Mock all other religions because lets face it, everyone else does it

Breaking these rules results in what I call "overdue points". You get 1 to 10 depending on the extremity of your crime. And your punishment is then determined by how many points you have. For example- 1 point means watch an episode of a daytime drama of the Librarian's choice. 10 points means buying, I repeat BUYING, the whole set of Librarian movies starring Noah Wyle and then watching them one after another, then watching them again with director commentary.

To partake in Librarianism, you need not even believe in the Librarian but to simply abide by these rules. You see, the Librarian is not omniscient (thank the Librarian) which is why he will not know whether you believe in him or not. He is not even omnipotent, only semi-potent or three-quarters potent or at best 99% potent because he cannot provide any good arguments supporting his existence.

And so concludes the first book of the Encyclopedia Librarica- The Book Of The Rules.

The Zodiac Changed! Who cares? Its freezing!

If you remember from my last post, I mentioned I was sick. My belief that it was a reaction to a particularly bad movie brought on by horrible cinema is most likely true. But I will give a more plausible reason as to why its still not gone.

As many of you poor helpless souls may know, I live in Bangladesh (find a map and look for a tiny little piece of land near India's asscrack). Winter here is normally around 20 degrees Celsius. It never snows. It doesn't even fog up that much. But this year temperatures have plummeted just like our stock market. Its down to 4 degrees in some parts of the country.( It never goes below 4 degrees. Theres a law that the government has to do something about it if it goes below 4 ) Dhaka is currently colder that London. Thanks a lot Global Warming/ Climate Change/ Whatever its called nowadays.

So the Zodiac signs changed.(Than you Science) Apparently they added a new one. Its called Ophiucus but it sounds like "Oh fuck us". No. Unless your hot in which case okay. But chances are your some bald four-eyed lab-coat wearing loser who lives in his moms basement reading old Green Lantern comics and still having nerd-gasms at Halle Berry as Catwoman.

So, why do people care about the Zodiac Change? Well, its because people are dumb. Its because people feel things that don't matter do matter. Well, they don't. If you were a Cancer 15 years ago, you're still a Cancer. And not in the good way. (Is there a good way of being a Cancer? I mean its a crab? And please note my clever wordplay)
Over the years there have been many pieces of information that the media has considered news-worthy and the public has considered important but in actuality are completely useless. For example, Clinton getting some in the House, Osama Bin Laden, Darfur, Swine Flu, Justin Bieber, etc. The list goes on and on and on. This is just the start of 2011's Inane Information Invasion.( yes I got that from a different site)

That Guy

Back again. Why do I bother?

Well, to any random soul that just happened to stumble on to this sad excuse for a blog, making a blog is not that easy. Well actually, getting readers is the hard part. I last posted six months ago and I highly doubt I've had a single hit since then. Honestly I really should just quit. Its not just because I have no readers, also because I am very inconsistent as a writer. I've promised to write every week so many times yet I never do bother. Well, this is depressing huh?

Anyways, I have a friend who is trying to get me back into writing. He has promised to collaborate on the blog from now on. All the writing will still be coming from one profile (my one) but he'll sign at the bottom. Until he comes up with a decent name, I'll call him Richard Dawkins. And no, unfortunately he isn't helping with this very sad post.

I hardly ever check my e-mail. Yet another bad habit. Recently I got a mail from something called City Media Foundation. Apparently they've contacted quite a few bloggers to become admins of their cities. The objective is to upload videos of their city for the world to see. I see two bad things that would happen if I was given the job. 1) The videos would never be uploaded
2) The world would become blind thanks to the beauty (note sarcasm) of my fair city. Therefore I sent a respectful declining letter. Probably was a scam anyways.

Anyways, Richard Dawkins will be in touch. Till then,
That Guy

FUCK YOU

On the first day of Christmas that bastard upstairs gave to me, a Add. Math exam and an English exam....FUCK YOU

God's Bday present to me is a Physics exam....FUCK YOU

My Parents stole my 650 Euros with which I was to buy a laptop......FUCK YOU

Santa doesn't exist.....FUCK YOU

Paranormal Activity wasn't scary......FUCK YOU

Avatar will suck.....FUCK YOU

School is open on Boxer Day, New Year's eve, on my Bday.......A HUGE FUCK YOU

This year end sucks....and I turn 15. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU SOME MORE

And my friend Abrar owes me 700 tk, and 2 Bday presents.......THE BIGGEST FUCK YOU