Saturday, 16 April 2011

Interviewing A Deity

Before we get started on the post there are two things. One is our first poll results. Thanks to everyone who voted. We got:
  • 11 votes for "Add them both". But sadly, we don't care about your opinion in the slightest.
  • 5 votes for "I don't care". Then don't freakin' vote, jackass.
  • 4 votes for "Don't add more writers". Why are you so afraid of change? You voted against Obama didn't you?
  • 2 votes for "Add just 1". I'll add as many as I like.
  • 1 vote for "They should replace you two" . I appreciate the honesty.
Second thing, in this post we will be interviewing The Librarian (the better choice when compared to other failed gods). The god of Librarianism which is the religion we follow. To learn more of Librarianism please follow the links to Encyclopedia Librarica Book 1 and Book 2.

We also introduce a new character in this post. He is named the Rowdykid. He's like what Christians call the devil but he's emo. A picture is shown below.

He resides in the Not-so-Great Emo Concert at the centre of the earth. Now onto the interview.

That Guy and Bad Ideas : How do we know you're really god?
Librarian : Well, I did the "Virgin" Mary. She was a freak! I have pictures. Then I left her with a kid. This is why Jesus was such a troubled man., going around and spreading lies about some other god instead of preaching my awesomeness. That is why he now resides in The Not-so-Great Emo Concert at the Centre of the Earth.

TG & BI : Why Library?
Librarian : *awkward silence* I'm not quite sure, ask the Great Apothecary, he might know. PSYCH! You must be a serious jackass to believe there's a huge pharmacist in the sky. But then again you believed in Zeus. Man, I really dropped the ball while creating your species.

TG & BI : Is there a life after death?
Librarian: Well its called death because its not life ; its death. If you are good in life, you go to The Great Library In The Sky. Otherwise I SEND you to the Not-so-Great Emo Concert. Method of trasport? Fat American. How does it work? You ride him.

TG & BI : What is your gender?
Librarian: If the Bible and other blasphemous works, got one thing right, its that I'm a dude. (Sorry for any confusion little heathen/pagan friends). And as for proof, ask your mama.

TG & BI : What food do you eat?
Librarian : Intelligence of generations. Makes sense, doesn't it?

TG & BI : How many times a day do you shit?
Librarian : Look at it this way ; each time I shit, somebody dies in the world. I have perpetual diarrhoea. *Looks around awkwardly* Next question.

TG & BI : What are your opinions on fake religions such as Christianity or Islam?
Librarian : Damn fuckin' hilarious! Can you believe they fell for that stuff about not shaving making you holy? I don't sleep with their women, I leave that to the Rowdykid. Jews are okay though. They invented Jew-Jitsu.
TG & BI : No they didn't.
Librarian : What? Jew-Jitsu is Chinese? Rowdykid-dammit! I curse them with an eternity of being victims of 50% of the world's racist jokes.

TG & BI : What advice do you have to give to today's youth on drugs?
Librarian : Drugs are whack, yo. In fact, I'm completely baked. So are you. Keep that parcel I gave you for later use. Its the good stuff.

TG & BI : Is Santa Claus real? And if he is, what about the Easter Bunny?
Librarian : Santa Claus is a homeless burglar who has bestiality issues. Especially when it comes to reindeer. That is why he has the beard and the bag. He lives in the North Pole because that is the only place where reindeer sex isn't outlawed. (There and Norway, but seriously, who wants to live in Norway?)
The Easter Bunny? Seriously? Have you ever wondered what a giant rabbit painting eggs and hiding them has to do with anything? No? Then my joke is working. Keep quiet, have another parcel.

TG & BI : What company should we invest in heavily to ensure the future of our families are secure?
Librarian : Well, I would go with Appl...
TG & BI : He said Google. Yep, thats what he said. Google. (Google gods, if you're reading this, please make us rich and famous. Not necessarily in that order).

TG & BI: Anything you'd like to tell our readers before we end?
Librarian : Comment. Or Chuck Norris will come after you. And press the awesomeness box repeatedly. And don't forget to click stuff on the next poll.


  1. Chuck Norris can kiss my fat white arse.

    But I'm commenting anyway just to let you know I was here :)

    And I'M've been interviewing an imposter. There's a few of them around, I'll deal with this Librarian character once I'm done with Allah.

  2. I'd lock your windows tonight. You never know when Chuck Norris will strike.

    Thanks for commenting.

    And where is the proof? The Great Librarian in The Sky is the one true god. After all, he came to us in a dream to tell us to spread his teachings as the last couple of prophets screwed it up. But please go ahead and kick Allah's ass. He pisses me off.

  3. Chuck Norris is gay. He has been since he lost that match with Bruce Lee.

    And just pray tell me, what are you into now? Your hallucinations are getting really creative and vivid. hehe

  4. Yeah, Bruce Lee will ask for comments next time. Psycho, you have shamed Chuck Norris.

    And I think the vivid hallucinations have something to do with all those parcels.

  5. I liked the part where the Librarian said Santa Claus was a homeless burglar with bestiality issues. I might have pissed my pants, just a little bit though...

  6. Might I recommend a diaper? If it feels weird, I have a diaper lover blog I can recommend.

    No thats not weird.

  7. Why yes, yes you may! I'm assuming you wear a diaper every now and then, hence the diaper lover blog.

    ...Is there really a diaper lover blog?

  8. I don't wear diapers. I like being able to piss without taking my pants off.

    But yes, the diaper lover blog is real.

  9. You like "being able to piss without taking my pants off." I think you screwed up there, yup, you did. Either that or the you don't wear diapers part.

  10. Whats wrong with being able to piss without taking my pants off. I meant I can do it without having to take the whole thing off.

    And I don't wear diapers. You know what, forget I ever mentioned it.

  11. Did you leave TCS, Thatguy?

    Its me gurp

  12. Not yet. 30th is last day and then off from the internet indefinitely .

  13. TG & BI : What food do you eat?
    Librarian : Intelligence of generations. Makes sense, doesn't it?

    Awesome! Loved it. Made me laugh:D

  14. Well, that was the aim. Next one should make you feel very indifferent.