Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Vassar, cripples and some other pointless nonsense


I’m tired. It’s 2:23 AM, and I want to sleep. Yet I’m sitting here, writing inane gibberish for absolutely no good reason. I do like blogs. I like how they never completely vanish. They just sit there, tucked away in some desolate, forgotten corner of cyberspace, waiting for its writer/admin/whoever to come back to it. I’m not back by the way. I’m just saying hi. If I post again this month, then maybe consider this a prolonged visit. Like malaria. Which by the way is no laughing matter. Especially with all these annoying mosquitoes all around me. Third world problems and whatnot.
You know what else is a third world problem? Laundry. No, I’m not going to say the stereotypical, douchy thing and say “the lack of I mean”. No, here in the third world, with our long standing practice of slavery in the form of domestic help dragged from villages to clean houses, children here don’t learn how to wash their own clothes. I have no idea how to do laundry. If I had to, I’d probably end up mixing the colours with the whites, rubbing it down with shampoo and leave it to dry in the bathroom. And then my clothes would be ruined. I already have self esteem issues, I don’t need to add to it by blaming myself for destroying my cheap, child labour produced garments.
So the reason I’m thinking of laundry so much nowadays is because I’m applying for college this month. If all goes well, I’ll leave my comfortable life here in the flood-infested heart of the Third World and head for the recession-plagued pastures of Umrika, the greatest and bestest country in the world, ever. But all never does go well. As each day passes, it seems more and more likely I won’t get in anywhere, I’ll end up staying back. And to be honest, at this moment in time, that’s not such a bad thing. Over the last year, I’ve come to love Dhaka more than ever. I think it’s because I’m somewhat gotten over my crippling social awkwardness. In fact, it doesn’t cripple me so much as it does cause an uncomfortable limp now. And there’s also the question that; would education here really be that terrible? And more importantly, do I care?


        Dhaka’s evolving, and it’s happening in front of my eyes. There’s so many cool things people my age and slightly older than me are doing in Dhaka. Hell, I’m even trying to be a part of it. And so, would I really be too upset trading in Vassar for the local, Brac University? Mind you, the chance of getting into Vassar is insanely miniscule. And I do know this pretty girl at Brac.

      Well, regardless of the some 300 words before this sentence, I will still apply. And if I don’t get in, I’ll probably try again next year. And I’ll still be very upset.

      This was so pointless. I'm sorry if you actually sat through all of this. I'll go back to making fun of poor kids next post, whenever that may be. 

    That Guy

    Sunday, 6 May 2012

    If you're under 18, don't let your Mom catch you reading this

    WARNING: The following shit is made of material you would not want to use to tailor your kid's money suit. Continuing to read means you lose all rights to complain, also, you suck.

    What is it with airline food? I mean, it tastes pretty shit but surprisingly enough you don't puke, which is doubly astonishing because you're on an aeroplane. And why are they the subject of so many incomplete groan-inducing stand up jokes?

    Another thing I don't get is why vaginas (and genitalia in general) are censored in Japanese porn.That's right, I'm 18, I can (legally) watch porn now, fuck you That Guy, fuck you conservative readers and fuck you Pakistan government (for banning porn, more on that later)! So, Japanese porn. Do Japanese men fear the VJ? Are they disgusted by it? Is it in the models' contract? Is there a law about it? Or do that have some mutual trust with porn companies which go along the lines of "We trust that under the blur there is indeed a vagina, you do not need to show it to us." The same way national banks and the public have a mutual trust regarding currency - "We will give you this amount of gold for that piece of paper, so long as you never ask for the gold ... ever!"

    I think sometime last year porn sites were banned in Pakistan. Now I didn't feel the effects of this until a month after the ban for some reason. There was talk of it in school, how people started staring lustfully at their neighbor's cats and how the mule which was previously used to pull the teachers to school in a cart was now available for 'after hours' services. I did not indulge in any of these activities because I still had my porn.

    Sorry about the crappy recent posts. Maybe That Guy will make a second part to this? Meh.

    Wednesday, 18 January 2012

    Not anymore

    It would seem That Guy has been infected with I-enjoy-sympathy virus. I am sure you have all heard of it. It is this virus in action when the hot girl puts her picture online and then, illogical as it is, suggests that she does not look attractive in it. If we delve into how the body works after being infected by the IES virus, there will be no immediately visible changes. Upon closer inspection however one can begin to notice rather disturbing activity. Like that virus fucking with your cells an’ shit.

    Yeah, so That Guy’s cells an’ shit couldn’t take the abuse anymore and decided to deal who we both thought to be no-one a low blow by holding hostage the thing of highest value he could from them. For what? Some comments.

    Well, it would be pretty stupid if I posted just to criticize the last post (sorry dude). I mean, I didn’t think there were any readers either, I just didn’t care enough to make a post about it. So here’s some extra crap. Let’s see now …

    I’m listening to Rammstein a lot nowadays. Their songs are in German except for some which are sung partly in English (Pussy, Amerika) and one that I know of which is in Spanish (Te Quiero Puta!). They could be classed as Metal or Industrial Rock. I also like Buckethead, he is a guitarist. His songs are simply mind-fucking; check out Planeta. No, seriously, do it now. It is unlikely you will dislike it. If you want to know the names of some good Rammstein songs then ask in comments.

    Hmm, what to do now that that space-waster is out of the way? I could talk about anime but since none of you care about that I will put it in a later post so you can ignore it altogether.

    Oh, what minor superpower would you like to have? A minor super power is what the name suggests but I will elaborate, for two reasons:

    • I still think most of the world is too stupid
    • Space waster, hehe, but then again, what isn’t a complete waste of space on this blog? I’ll tell you what; the Cowgirls Comedy Award. Because you don’t have one of those and we take pleasure in your displeasure

    So, minor super powers. Something out of the ordinary but probably not something that would inspire you to don a cape or get clothed underwear last, that is assuming you’re a DC follower. No offence though, the only thing Marvel’s got on DC are The X-Men and with every new movie they’re dying. On one hand (of Comic Book Guy presumably) we have Batman who is a rich angry shit. On the other hand, we have Spiderman who is a lucky loser and Thor who is a magic bastard. Wait, Ironman’s a rich fuck too. Does that mean they balance out? Nope, DC’s got Watchmen. Don’t take my opinion too seriously though, the only comics (manga not included) I’ve read are ‘The Sandman’ and ‘Asterix and Obelix’. That Guy’s more into comics than me. How did it get from minor superpowers to this? Evidently I have an attention span as poor as Kenny’s family from South Park so I’ll just put up a poll for you to vote on which minor super powers you want.

    Actually, it won't be me putting up the poll, it will be That Guy, so this may take a while ...

    Saturday, 14 January 2012

    Possibly The Last Post

    It's quite obvious that the blog is dying. From the highs we hit in May to August where our reader number inflated all the way up to the giddy heights of five to now, when I'm convinced only one of them is still alive. So before we go any further, let's thank dirtycowgirl for still being around, somewhat, but that being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got the hell out of this sinking ship now. It would be the sensible thing to do.

    The year anniversary of the return to the blog has now past and the post planned for the occasion never turned into reality. Now there are three options for us. The first is to just quit and go away and pretend this sad excuse for a blog never existed. Maybe that would be best. The second is to leave the confines of the services of the Google gods and move away to emo-fuckhole Tumblr or the confusing as hell Wordpress. More and more people like those things. You don't need Google IDs to comment. Sounds good. The third is to continue to struggle with our lonely blog as we have for so long. We could start posting more. But without any comments and shit, what's in it for us? Why should we be motivated to continue?

    The demise of this blog is not only due to the abandonment of 4 of our readers. I suppose we have to take blame as well. We’re lazy bastards. We’ve always been lazy bastards but we used to still spew out more garbage for our few minions. What’s happened to us, Bad Ideas?

    I suppose the initial excitement of finding out our blog is being read somewhere around the world has died down. The fluttery happiness of finding a new follower has vanished and has been replaced with cold indifference. We both have studies to pretend to do. A site named 9gag has stolen both our souls and now we spend more time than a sensible person should not spend on anything other than scrubbing his privates after seeing a lady of the night in Bangkok, on this site. I write more than I should as I churn out shitty writing for a shitty paper, which by the way was something Bad Ideas convinced me to do. He…watches anime. Both of us are sad fucks and pathetic excuses for, well not for human beings, pathetic excuses for people our age.

    We’re socially awkward losers. There’s no denying it. But that’s probably why we have a blog. The internet is the safe haven of losers like us. But now I return to the original question posed by this incessantly long post, what do we do about the blog? I don’t expect any comments and replies. The lack will be answer enough. But somehow, deep down, I’m hoping somebody will tell us to stay. But whether that will happen remains to be seen. And now, goodbye, perhaps for the last time.

    That Guy

    Oh and here’s a picture of Good Guy Greg. A meme. Something I found on 9gag.