Possibly The Last Post

It's quite obvious that the blog is dying. From the highs we hit in May to August where our reader number inflated all the way up to the giddy heights of five to now, when I'm convinced only one of them is still alive. So before we go any further, let's thank dirtycowgirl for still being around, somewhat, but that being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got the hell out of this sinking ship now. It would be the sensible thing to do.

The year anniversary of the return to the blog has now past and the post planned for the occasion never turned into reality. Now there are three options for us. The first is to just quit and go away and pretend this sad excuse for a blog never existed. Maybe that would be best. The second is to leave the confines of the services of the Google gods and move away to emo-fuckhole Tumblr or the confusing as hell Wordpress. More and more people like those things. You don't need Google IDs to comment. Sounds good. The third is to continue to struggle with our lonely blog as we have for so long. We could start posting more. But without any comments and shit, what's in it for us? Why should we be motivated to continue?

The demise of this blog is not only due to the abandonment of 4 of our readers. I suppose we have to take blame as well. We’re lazy bastards. We’ve always been lazy bastards but we used to still spew out more garbage for our few minions. What’s happened to us, Bad Ideas?

I suppose the initial excitement of finding out our blog is being read somewhere around the world has died down. The fluttery happiness of finding a new follower has vanished and has been replaced with cold indifference. We both have studies to pretend to do. A site named 9gag has stolen both our souls and now we spend more time than a sensible person should not spend on anything other than scrubbing his privates after seeing a lady of the night in Bangkok, on this site. I write more than I should as I churn out shitty writing for a shitty paper, which by the way was something Bad Ideas convinced me to do. He…watches anime. Both of us are sad fucks and pathetic excuses for, well not for human beings, pathetic excuses for people our age.

We’re socially awkward losers. There’s no denying it. But that’s probably why we have a blog. The internet is the safe haven of losers like us. But now I return to the original question posed by this incessantly long post, what do we do about the blog? I don’t expect any comments and replies. The lack will be answer enough. But somehow, deep down, I’m hoping somebody will tell us to stay. But whether that will happen remains to be seen. And now, goodbye, perhaps for the last time.

That Guy

Oh and here’s a picture of Good Guy Greg. A meme. Something I found on 9gag.

Bad Ideas' Good Idea Wasted.

Its 6:30 in the morning. I'm tired. I'll make this brief. Sorry, loyal 4 readers for not posting in about a month. I assure you that it wasn't my (That Guy) fault. It was all Bad Ideas' fault. Yes.

About four days after our last post, The Devil Spawn, we came up with an idea to make a post about our gay, evil twins who live in New York getting married (an idea that has made you chuckle just at the mention of it) and we were going to call them This Guy and Good Ideas. And well, I've decided it took too long and that I wouldn't upload it any more. The writing has been done for about two weeks but Bad Ideas has been dragging his feet on drawing the pictures for this and well it's taken too long.

So, in a desperate attempt to increase the appalling number of pageviews the blog has received over the last month, I'm write this abomination of a post. It's a 2 minute poop post. With our enthusiasm, I don't understand why there aren't more of these in the blog.

Since I have nothing to talk about, I might as well talk about what I've been up to over the last month or so. I've been up to nothing. Were you expecting more?

With a population that's bursting at the seams and the majority of the urban inhabitants deeming education a necessity, there are a massive number of educational institutions in Dhaka. Most of them rubbish. What am I saying? All of them are guttershit. And I wonder why this country is as dumb as Ash Ketchum from Pokemon.

Wait as much as I would love to yap on about the dismal state of third world schooling and how it affects me, I'm lazy and don't feel like talking about a 'serious' topic like that right now. I'll reserve it for Contemplating the Problems of a Third World Hellhole Part 2...if I ever get around to it.

And I feel weird not having more than one picture in this post so....here's a lolcat.

That Guy

Interviewing A Deity

Before we get started on the post there are two things. One is our first poll results. Thanks to everyone who voted. We got:

• 11 votes for "Add them both". But sadly, we don't care about your opinion in the slightest.
• 5 votes for "I don't care". Then don't freakin' vote, jackass.
• 4 votes for "Don't add more writers". Why are you so afraid of change? You voted against Obama didn't you?
• 2 votes for "Add just 1". I'll add as many as I like.
• 1 vote for "They should replace you two" . I appreciate the honesty.

Second thing, in this post we will be interviewing The Librarian (the better choice when compared to other failed gods). The god of Librarianism which is the religion we follow. To learn more of Librarianism please follow the links to Encyclopedia Librarica Book 1 and Book 2.

We also introduce a new character in this post. He is named the Rowdykid. He's like what Christians call the devil but he's emo. A picture is shown below.

He resides in the Not-so-Great Emo Concert at the centre of the earth. Now onto the interview.

That Guy and Bad Ideas : How do we know you're really god?

Librarian : Well, I did the "Virgin" Mary. She was a freak! I have pictures. Then I left her with a kid. This is why Jesus was such a troubled man., going around and spreading lies about some other god instead of preaching my awesomeness. That is why he now resides in The Not-so-Great Emo Concert at the Centre of the Earth.

TG & BI : Why Library?

Librarian : *awkward silence* I'm not quite sure, ask the Great Apothecary, he might know. PSYCH! You must be a serious jackass to believe there's a huge pharmacist in the sky. But then again you believed in Zeus. Man, I really dropped the ball while creating your species.

TG & BI : Is there a life after death?

Librarian: Well its called death because its not life ; its death. If you are good in life, you go to The Great Library In The Sky. Otherwise I SEND you to the Not-so-Great Emo Concert. Method of trasport? Fat American. How does it work? You ride him.

TG & BI : What is your gender?

Librarian: If the Bible and other blasphemous works, got one thing right, its that I'm a dude. (Sorry for any confusion little heathen/pagan friends). And as for proof, ask your mama.

TG & BI : What food do you eat?

Librarian : Intelligence of generations. Makes sense, doesn't it?

TG & BI : How many times a day do you shit?

Librarian : Look at it this way ; each time I shit, somebody dies in the world. I have perpetual diarrhoea. *Looks around awkwardly* Next question.

TG & BI : What are your opinions on fake religions such as Christianity or Islam?

Librarian : Damn fuckin' hilarious! Can you believe they fell for that stuff about not shaving making you holy? I don't sleep with their women, I leave that to the Rowdykid. Jews are okay though. They invented Jew-Jitsu.

TG & BI : No they didn't.

Librarian : What? Jew-Jitsu is Chinese? Rowdykid-dammit! I curse them with an eternity of being victims of 50% of the world's racist jokes.

TG & BI : What advice do you have to give to today's youth on drugs?

Librarian : Drugs are whack, yo. In fact, I'm completely baked. So are you. Keep that parcel I gave you for later use. Its the good stuff.

TG & BI : Is Santa Claus real? And if he is, what about the Easter Bunny?

Librarian : Santa Claus is a homeless burglar who has bestiality issues. Especially when it comes to reindeer. That is why he has the beard and the bag. He lives in the North Pole because that is the only place where reindeer sex isn't outlawed. (There and Norway, but seriously, who wants to live in Norway?)

The Easter Bunny? Seriously? Have you ever wondered what a giant rabbit painting eggs and hiding them has to do with anything? No? Then my joke is working. Keep quiet, have another parcel.

TG & BI : What company should we invest in heavily to ensure the future of our families are secure?

Librarian : Well, I would go with Appl...

TG & BI : He said Google. Yep, thats what he said. Google. (Google gods, if you're reading this, please make us rich and famous. Not necessarily in that order).

TG & BI: Anything you'd like to tell our readers before we end?

Librarian : Comment. Or Chuck Norris will come after you. And press the awesomeness box repeatedly. And don't forget to click stuff on the next poll.

I guess I'd like to say Thank You. No joke.

Bad Ideas wanted to be nice this post. I guess he didn't like the hate comments on our previous posts as much as I did. So I guess we're going to do a thank you post and for once try and not be like Mellisa Leo and say "Fuck" during our thank you. Oh fuck, I just said it. Fuck, I did it again. Ok stop.

Well, this blog normally likes poking fun at a lot of things. We mock everything from reality, religion, the system, how idiots believe in a 2000 year old storybook and how obesity is sometimes a matter of national security. Its also pretty sad most of the time a blog of this quality goes unread. But enough complaining. Now is the time to thank our few readers, our followers/minions (you know what you're getting into when you press follow), our commentors (even you Anon 1,2,3 and 4) and all those people on the sidelines rooting for us (which is like 1 person).

This journey started when a 14 year old boy decided he bored and wanted to spout random nonsense at the internet, back in 09. Then the journey stopped a couple months later because I needed to go to the bathroom, then was forgotten like that stripper you married in Vegas and was renewed with more gusto and writers in the new year. Since then we have tackled numerous problems of the world (and posted very few solutions) such as online scams, zodiac changes, M. Night Shyamalan, obesity, religion and overpopulation. But now we have finally crossed the 15 followers mark. We're lazy so it took us till 33 followers to make this post. So now we must SEXY PARTAY!

We apologize for the street beggar in the middle. He's a party animal.

That Guy and Bad Ideas

Contemplating The Problems Of A Third World Hellhole Part 1

I live in Bangladesh. Bangladesh is a country like no other. It is the world's largest river delta, or in other words made entirely of stuff the other countries didn't want and dumped in their rivers. It is surrounded by evil India (by surrounded I mean we are located in India's asscrack) and shares a small border with Myanmar who isn't so much evil as largely unpleasant. The entire region is displayed in the below picture.

Banglaadesh is incredibly overpopulated. It is so overpopulated that not everyone fits in the country and must resort to standing on top of another person. Sort of like the below picture but uglier. I mean, if your neighbor on the floor above is being a loud asshole you don’t need to poke your roof with a broomstick, all you would need to do is swear at the person standing on top of you and tell him/her to pass it on in a session of Chinese Whisper. With any luck they will improve on your whispered abuse to make sure your intended message gets through.

We have 160 million people in Bangladesh and countless others underwater in the Evil Bay of Tsunamis. Bangladesh is the world's largest importer of Natural Disasters. Tsunamis, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Thunderstorms, Floods, Earthquakes (although if you see the previous posts you may realize that it may be more man made than you think). You name it and the chances are that we are plagued by it.

But back to the overpopulation. Bangladeshi's are dumb. They think just because they're poor they shouldn't buy condoms. Well what they don't understand is that by wearing protection they save costs in the long run. But they're idiots so nothing to do there. Maybe free condoms are the answer.

It doesn't help that Bangladeshi society is so conservative that people often mistake women for ninjas.(I'm not saying they aren't).

Say about 20 to 25 years ago, we had a lot less ninjas in Bangladesh; this is inversely proportional to the number ninjas in Japan. Back then it was, say 5% of all women, right now its 50%. These gauged figures may be fantastic news to which some religious bearded fellows would say ‘Inshallah/ Mashallah, today the idiots, tomorrow the upper-middle class!’ but to me it’s a doomsday hourglass-cum-time bomb and when the percentage reaches 100 it will be time for the second coming of Jesus and Armageddon shall be upon us. So, assassin or believer? Either ways,they are both several hundred years out of date.

Because of the country's unwavering faith in a book made by a prophet/ lying bastard/ retard, people do not indulge in pre-marital sex. This leads to very horny people. So when people do get married, they go batshit crazy and then BAM all of a sudden they have 10 kids and another 14 on the way. This leads to more people standing on top of you, which in turn leads to reduced average height. Yeah, it’s true; a lot of Bangladeshis are short (Thankfully, I’m not but sadly the same can’t be said for Bad Ideas). Damned human pyramids, you participate in them even once and you’re vertically crippled for life.

This hardly is all the problems that plague the not gay side of Bengal so expect another multiple part post in the near future.

That Guy and Bad Ideas

I can't help laugh

I'm one of those people who get bored say, every 20 seconds or so. But lucky for me, I am also hugely immature and laugh uncontrollably at stupid sounding words. Yes, this post shall have stupidity not seen since the epic "Obama isn't black" post. If you haven't seen it, its one of the earliest posts and its a mind numbingly stupid one at that.

So, the inspiration for this post comes from a friend of Bad Ideas who lives in Spain. I asked her to teach me some Spanish swear words. The result : Me laughing and banging my fist on my keyboard begging her to stop. Yes, I am going to list my all time favourite stupid sounding words.

In no particular order: Uranus, Doodle, Poopdeck, Gilligan (its a name), Regina, Arsenal, Pumpernickel, Tiki, Bush, puta (one of the spanish swear words I learnt today), putki ( bengali word. Can't mention what it means), Dickens.

I'm sorry you had to see that. But tell me that none of these brought up a giggle and I know you're lying. Hopefully the next one will be better but I honestly can't think of what to write.

That Guy

ENCYCLOPEDIA LIBRARICA BOOK 1 : THE BOOK OF THE RULES

What do you get when two idiots with nothing better to do are bored? (cue catchphrase...) RELIGION!

Thats right, we (Bad Ideas and That Guy) have started a new (and improved?) religion because we didn't think there were enough in the world. One god but only a couple hundred religions? That is why we decided to found one as well ... Librarianism.

Where do babies come from? You came from your mom, but obviously not the lazy ass sitting round your living room all day flipping through channels. Babies are born because the Great Librarian in the sky descends to your mom’s room and makes sweet love to her. We all have a part of the Librarian in us and therefore owe it to the Librarian to be quiet in the library and abide by his other simple rules or forever be cast into an abyss of bad television.

The Great Librarian's Book of Guidelines has set up a simple system for us to follow:

1. Be quiet in the library
2. Don’t tear or deface the knowledge pods in any way
3. Return all pods of knowledge before due date
4. Mock all other religions because lets face it, everyone else does it

Breaking these rules results in what I call "overdue points". You get 1 to 10 depending on the extremity of your crime. And your punishment is then determined by how many points you have. For example- 1 point means watch an episode of a daytime drama of the Librarian's choice. 10 points means buying, I repeat BUYING, the whole set of Librarian movies starring Noah Wyle and then watching them one after another, then watching them again with director commentary.

To partake in Librarianism, you need not even believe in the Librarian but to simply abide by these rules. You see, the Librarian is not omniscient (thank the Librarian) which is why he will not know whether you believe in him or not. He is not even omnipotent, only semi-potent or three-quarters potent or at best 99% potent because he cannot provide any good arguments supporting his existence.

And so concludes the first book of the Encyclopedia Librarica- The Book Of The Rules.