Monday, 23 May 2011

The Questions You're Too Dumb To Think Of

What do you suppose people will do with 72 virgins? Who has that much stamina? Also, if you do 1 of the 72 does that one disappear and is replaced by another virgin or after doing all 72 do you have 72 girls who have had sex once? If a virgin does get replaced then where does the virgin go? Is she vaporized? Do we even know if the virgins are female?

Narcissism is when you are infatuated with yourself. A higher level of narcissism would mean you are sexually attracted to yourself or similar. Now what if you are a minor and belong to the second group i.e. the ones that are attracted to themselves, and you pleasure yourself thinking of yourself, are you a pedophile? If you have naked pictures of yourself which serves as porn are you a pedophile?

Don't you hate it when ugly girls think they're the most gorgeous creation in the world? Don't you also hate it when said ugly girls upload thousands of pictures of aforementioned ugliness on Facebook thus spamming your home page and partially blinding you? Do you not despise the fact that their delusion costs you your eyesight?

Is this another series post? Should we make another series post considering our inconsistency? Should we be breaking our promise to study? Should we risk not getting good grades? Should we be asking you philosophical questions with so much depth considering we assume 75% of our 4 readers to be brain-dead? Should we have said that out loud? Do we really give the tiniest of shits? Why do we ask so many questions? Is this supposed to be some underdeveloped yet charitably plausible form of wit? Why are you still reading? Why aren't you commenting and voting on the poll through multiple browsers and profiles so as to make this blog look successful?

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

A New Era and A Crappy Review

First things first, poll results. The question was which series post you would like to see return. People and spambots alike voted.

He's got the right idea.

Now the more important announcements. Due to our awesome procrastination powers, Bad Ideas and I have made a new banner for the blog. Its quite sad to see the old one go. It was one of the good points of an otherwise crappy page. But this signals a new era. An era of shittier writing. Huzzah!

If you don't remember what the old one looks like, here's a picture.

And well, I got my first article published at work. It was an effort that took all of 10 minutes. 4 of those minutes consisted of me talking to people I don't like. The things I do to get paid next to nothing (he gets paid in office supplies which he steals). I (Bad Ideas for this sentence only) would like to give you the link to his first article but it would only lead to ridicule and loss of minions which we cannot afford at a point this close to world domination.

This is a lame-ass album review that will hopefully get printed next week. I'm sure none of our 4 readers are accustomed to seeing me write without swearing like a drunken Irishman so this will come as a shock.

Rise Against's Endgame

If there’s one thing that Rise Against is good at, it’s being perpetually vehemently pissed off. You’d think with a growing fanbase and selling tens of thousands of albums they would have some happiness in their lives, but no. They always find something to complain about. That’s also why this writer can relate to them.

In their new album, the ominously named “Endgame”, vocalist Tim McIlrath describes himself as an “orphan of the American dream”. Melodramatic much?

There are two types of Punk music out there nowadays. The first which rebels against the system and the second which is basically regular pop songs sung at twice the speed. Rise Against’s new album is a bit of both. From the minute the loud guitar riffs of “Architects” welcome you to the album; it sort of sparks a rebellious flame inside.

Rise Against’s sound has evolved in this album. To old fans this will sound a bit alien. It’s a much lighter sound than the grittiness that their previous albums such as “The Sufferer and The Witness” accustomed us to. There are some clear grunge influences (such as in the song “Midnight Hands”). It takes a little getting used to.

Rise Against’s niche is singing songs that have messages. They do their best to highlight the problems that plague the world. From questioning why a soldier had to die in “Survivor’s Guilt” to inspiring an uprising on “A Gentlemen’s Coup” to showing us the lower class angst on “Disparity by Design”, the combination of McIlrath’s intensity and the blaring guitar riff driven music send a thoughtful shot of adrenaline into your system.

The stand out point for me though, is the brilliant “Make It Stop (September’s Children)”; a song taking aim at bullying and a plea to stop before more children end their lives through frustration and violence. “And too much blood has flowed from the wrists; of the children shamed for those they chose to kiss”

There are flaws in the album. For example : when the customary half-way slow-down in the song “Architects” arrives, it sounds like McIlrath is trying to win back his girlfriend rather then send a true message. Since punk is sung at twice the speed of other songs, some of the songs such as “Wait for Me” overstay their welcome.

“Endgame” is a rarity. It is an intelligent album. Something the music industry needs more of. It has a solid message for all willing to listen. It’s a very good album. The only thing missing though, is that little magic spark. That little magic spark which turns a good album into a great album, an album that will stand the test of time. But it’s still a very good album.

Final rating: 8/10

We apologize for the incredibly lame post. Exams still aren't over. Once we're back we'll get back to making what people voted for happen. New writers and Places That Suck are a few things to look forward to next month.

Till then,

That Guy and minimum unwanted interference from Bad Ideas

Oh, and don't forget to vote on the next poll or inbred American redneck will flame your ass.