Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Friday, 21 January 2011
Where do babies come from? You came from your mom, but obviously not the lazy ass sitting round your living room all day flipping through channels. Babies are born because the Great Librarian in the sky descends to your mom’s room and makes sweet love to her. We all have a part of the Librarian in us and therefore owe it to the Librarian to be quiet in the library and abide by his other simple rules or forever be cast into an abyss of bad television.
The Great Librarian's Book of Guidelines has set up a simple system for us to follow:
- Be quiet in the library
- Don’t tear or deface the knowledge pods in any way
- Return all pods of knowledge before due date
- Mock all other religions because lets face it, everyone else does it
Breaking these rules results in what I call "overdue points". You get 1 to 10 depending on the extremity of your crime. And your punishment is then determined by how many points you have. For example- 1 point means watch an episode of a daytime drama of the Librarian's choice. 10 points means buying, I repeat BUYING, the whole set of Librarian movies starring Noah Wyle and then watching them one after another, then watching them again with director commentary.
To partake in Librarianism, you need not even believe in the Librarian but to simply abide by these rules. You see, the Librarian is not omniscient (thank the Librarian) which is why he will not know whether you believe in him or not. He is not even omnipotent, only semi-potent or three-quarters potent or at best 99% potent because he cannot provide any good arguments supporting his existence.
And so concludes the first book of the Encyclopedia Librarica- The Book Of The Rules.
Saturday, 15 January 2011
As many of you poor helpless souls may know, I live in Bangladesh (find a map and look for a tiny little piece of land near India's asscrack). Winter here is normally around 20 degrees Celsius. It never snows. It doesn't even fog up that much. But this year temperatures have plummeted just like our stock market. Its down to 4 degrees in some parts of the country.( It never goes below 4 degrees. Theres a law that the government has to do something about it if it goes below 4 ) Dhaka is currently colder that London. Thanks a lot Global Warming/ Climate Change/ Whatever its called nowadays.
So the Zodiac signs changed.(Than you Science) Apparently they added a new one. Its called Ophiucus but it sounds like "Oh fuck us". No. Unless your hot in which case okay. But chances are your some bald four-eyed lab-coat wearing loser who lives in his moms basement reading old Green Lantern comics and still having nerd-gasms at Halle Berry as Catwoman.
So, why do people care about the Zodiac Change? Well, its because people are dumb. Its because people feel things that don't matter do matter. Well, they don't. If you were a Cancer 15 years ago, you're still a Cancer. And not in the good way. (Is there a good way of being a Cancer? I mean its a crab? And please note my clever wordplay)
Over the years there have been many pieces of information that the media has considered news-worthy and the public has considered important but in actuality are completely useless. For example, Clinton getting some in the House, Osama Bin Laden, Darfur, Swine Flu, Justin Bieber, etc. The list goes on and on and on. This is just the start of 2011's Inane Information Invasion.( yes I got that from a different site)
Sunday, 9 January 2011
The movie starts of okay but then goes downhill as soon as Mr. Slumdog Millionaire Dev Patel shows up. For one thing, how hard would it be to get Asian kids? I mean seriously, at least get the costumes and things right. What was supposed to be a ponytail turned into a semi-spiked-mohawk creation. And then since the Fire Nation is Indian, apparently the Water Nation must be white, the Earth nation must be Chinese and The Air Nation should be, well, Sri Lankan by the look of it. And then the Uncle is French. And the kids could not act worse because apparently people in that universe don't blink and stare at everything.
The story is twisted and disfigured to such an extent any fans of the original cartoon leave within half an hour. I'm having a hard time concentrating on the review because just thinking about this film is giving me a migraine.
The pacing of the movie was just so bad. There was no sense of the story developing and it just seemed like Mr. Shyamalan (spelled it right this time)glued a couple episodes together. It was quite literally a pain in the neck to watch (but that could be just me as I was laughing so hard at Dev Patel's face)
The absolute worst point of the film for me had to be the ending. In the anime, the Avataar becomes one with the Water spirit and unleashes the tidal wave from hell on those sorry Fire Nation freaks and drowns them to oblivion. In the movie, it seemed to build up to the grand finish and had me waiting in suspense only for the biggest Anti-climax of the decade. What happened? The water just fell backwards and the Fire army hightailed it back.
Overall, a solid half star out of 1000. I advise you not to watch it unless you wish to trigger a stroke. The dumbest movie in recent history leaving rivals Twilight and Dragonball Evolution far behind in its wake.
Well anyways, this is Part 1 in a god-knows-how-many-parts post. This is the buildup. I'll watch the film tomorrow. Roughly paying 2 USD to watch it. Highway robbery indeed. ANyways, the movie is so bad that my friend got a 104 degree fever watching the trailer. I laughed at the time but 10 hours later, BOOM, same happens to me. So random people reading, pray for me. I don't know if I'll make it.
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Anyways, I have a friend who is trying to get me back into writing. He has promised to collaborate on the blog from now on. All the writing will still be coming from one profile (my one) but he'll sign at the bottom. Until he comes up with a decent name, I'll call him Richard Dawkins. And no, unfortunately he isn't helping with this very sad post.
I hardly ever check my e-mail. Yet another bad habit. Recently I got a mail from something called City Media Foundation. Apparently they've contacted quite a few bloggers to become admins of their cities. The objective is to upload videos of their city for the world to see. I see two bad things that would happen if I was given the job. 1) The videos would never be uploaded
2) The world would become blind thanks to the beauty (note sarcasm) of my fair city. Therefore I sent a respectful declining letter. Probably was a scam anyways.
Anyways, Richard Dawkins will be in touch. Till then,