Friday, 10 June 2011

Places That Suck Part 2

We're back. Exams are over. Are you happy, kiddies? Also before you read this and by any chance get pissed off (very unlikely) remember this, all these are based on stereotypes, meaning its definitely true, so don't try and prove us wrong.

During the exams I, Bad Ideas, joined the cult of the Cambridge-poopooheads to please the Cambridge-poopoohead god (forgive me, GLITS) so that they grant me good grades. But now, That Guy is confused as to what to do with his new found freedom and so is forcing me to write the promised sequel to "Places That Suck" instead of procrastinating. SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO HIM? WHY MUST THE LAZY TURN.....not-lazy like a hard working middle-aged man with no discernible talent and whose life will never lead anywhere !?!!?!

Well, anyway, back to shitty countries. How shitty is Japan? The answer would be "as shitty as that kid in Slumdog Millionaire". Japan was once a fabled magical land where ninjas ate eggs for breakfast, lunch, dinner and between-assassination snacks. Men with awesome ponytails and awesome facial hair roamed wearing awesome armour and wielding awesome katanas. But alas, that land is no more. Katanas have been traded in for Wii Controllers so that obese children might have minimal exercise.

Japan is located in the "Ring Of Fire" or something along those ominous lines. What the hell am I talking about? Japan is in a region of heavy tectonic activity and so in constant fear of deadly earthquakes. Like the one that fucked them over a few months ago. And that earthquake led to damaging the Fukushima nuclear plant and that led to spread of radiation. Nuclear meltdown was a real possibility and if it had happened not only would a chuck of Japan be uninhabitable for the next 1908127094 years, it would have awakened their mortal enemy, Godzilla, who would have emerged from his under-water fortress to bitch-slap them. I am probably exaggerating but this is after all, a post of meaningless banter, racist jokes (Japanese people do not see much for their tiny eyes, haha) and relentless stereotyping.

Japan is famous for anime. Anime characters normally have very large eyes, huge spiky hair which is coloured blonde/red/green/pink/shit and wear outlandish outfits so that the protagonist is easily identifiable. They also wield enormous swords/weapons that are twice the size of the characters and in real life, would be completely useless. The anime suggests that these swords are very light as the characters can move around so fast its like teleporting while carrying these things. This is because they are a representation of the Japanese people's hopes and dreams. They have an inferiority complex due to their tiny eyes not being able to see much, which is why they kill themselves in the name of honour (read : tiny eyes).

Anyway, back to manga and anime. Female anime characters usually have disproportionately large breasts. Japanese nerds are so perverted and sexually frustrated that they end up making animated porn out of these characters. After all, who doesn't want to see their favourite cartoon characters being done through the rear by a Pikachu? I don't think we need to delve into this subject any further.

Saudi Arabia sucks. Oh, you were expecting more? Maybe we shouldn't in case they go all jihad (stupid holy war) on us. If all the countries were children on a playground, Saudi would be the one running the risk of a heart attack, living in a ghetto, constantly complaining to its parents, sucking up to the cool kids but still not getting invited to the cool kid parties.

Saudi is home to the house of "god" (Allah, a false deity for the Librarian is the only one) in Mecca which is a congested, polluted, slum-like city. Quite possibly as a result of this, Saudi Arabia is the muslim-est country in the world (it also holds the majority of the world's oil and so the white men of the West cannot attack). Meaning there are almost no human rights for people that have smaller beards than Dumbledore under the "Intolerant Muslim or GTFO act of 600 AD" otherwise known as the Quran.

Under the "GTFO Act", you are not allowed to blog left-wing or indeed anything that suggests anything that doesn't stink of conservativeness. You are not allowed to support homosexuals, bisexuals, Borat, transsexuals or bacon. Political parties are not allowed with the exception of the "Glorious Muslim Brotherhood Of Bearded Dudes Who Wear Small Hats But Are Not Jewish" or GMBOBDWWSHBANJ and because of its name which isn't douche-y I support it. Also they cool with Borat cos' he is "veddy naice". (That Guy says "Tell me that was sarcasm"). And needless to say women have little to no value there. They are not allowed to drive cars or give head, much less give head while driving a car, but they are allowed to fly planes.

With Saudi sucking so much its hardly a surprise people turn into raving loonies and try to commit crimes. But Saudi law enforcement (read : more bearded dudes with meat cleavers) puts a stop to that with their unique brand of punishment.
  • Hands and feet are amputated for robbery or theft
  • Sexual deviancy is rewarded by whipping in public
  • Public beheadings for drug traffickers, murderers, rapists, armed robbers and Jewish people.
Well that was the grand return post. Disappointed yet? In order to be closer to our minions we have created a Facebook "like" page. It's right under every post. Now click it, get your fake Fagbook account and "like" it again. Then tell all your friends, family, sex slaves and pets to do the same. So yeah, that's about it. Go "like" it.

P.S. If you're confused, That Guy wrote Japan, Bad Ideas wrote Saudi and then they edited each others.


  1. Finally a new post in here :)

    Very funny but I don't know why. I love anime ♥

  2. Yes. We've been gone a while. Good to see at least one of our 4 readers is still here. (Just in case, the rest of the minions see this. You all suck.)

    I like anime too. But not for the same reason as people mentioned in this post.

  3. You guys are hilarious and put way more effort into posting than I ever could. Teach me your ways?

  4. Nicole, you have posted over a 100 posts. This blog started 2 years ago (granted was inactive for a long time)and I still don't have 40 posts.You've posted twice in one week. I've never done that. Oh wait, last two posts. Never mind.

    Dirtycowgirl, thank you. Good to see you back on these parts.

  5. Ah yes, but you have 40 posts of awesome while I have 100 posts of mediocrity.

  6. hence the title of 'Old poop posts'

  7. I don't think any part of this is funny, I feel like it would be funny if like you were pretending to be ignorant but it feels like you genuinely feel like these places suck.

  8. I assure you that we do not really feel that way about Japan :)

  9. Hey you know what I’m new to blogging and so I have no followers, i just want to tell ppl about my blog and then if they check my blog out I’ll do the same for them, so here it is.

  10. mglmgbn- This series was made as a post where we would be relentlessly racist and would be racist like hell. Are we really that convincing?
    Smalltowngirl - That's spamming. "Check my blog out and I'll do the same for you". You've already been to my blog which now means I have no incentive to check out your blog.

  11. @That Guy, your avatar is so cute, just wanted you to know that is why i am a follower.And you are funny sometimes :)