Saturday, 19 March 2011
Places That Suck Part 1
Due to poverty, cost of milk and shitstorms all over the world, That Guy and Bad Ideas have brought to you a list of places they really would not want to live. Considering we already live in third world hellholes these places must suck harder than Paris Hilton, which they do. This post brings to you two places we would not want to live in even if somebody moved a lesbian cloud over there ( literally a cloud made of girls who do things to each other ).
Pirates...are cool. I'm talking about the eccentric, swashbuckling types in Pirates of The Caribbean.The more recent piracy is of the internet kind. And a nutless monkey can do that. But what of the trouble on the high seas? Well, only one country is trying to keep up that tradition of capturing rich people, then giving them back for ransom while on boats. But even then it lacks the finesse it used to possess. Of course we are talking about Somalia.
Somalia is quite possibly the worst place on earth. Even worse than East Croydon. Some would say its too easy a target. But we're assholes so we'll kick them while they're down. Somalia is such a lawless crapshack , that it makes Bangladesh look like a part of Scandinavia but less boring with less albinos.
We are lazy bloggers so while we aren't sure we can safely assume that Somalia, being an African nation, has a lack of water as all these 'charitable' organisations keep reminding us that there is not enough water in Africa. Read the previous sentence again after substituting the word 'water' with 'food' and 'safety'. Enough reasons yet? If not then let me inform you that Somalia is a god fearing Muslim nation with not a single KFC outlet.
Do you know what a "baguette" is? Well, you probably do or you're googling it now to find out. The next place we would not want to live is a land whose name strikes fear into the hearts of homophobes all over the world. No not San Francisco, we are obviously talking about France. Lets face it, nobody likes France (I believe this sentiment started with the British but i am not sure when). Sure some people like visiting and looking at their fancy art galleries and their ninja free streets, but seriously, who would want to live in a country run by a midget? I mean, small people are mean.
Now to tackle the more sinister side of France. The side which haunts every tourist like memories of childhood abuse haunt altar boys. Can you guess what it is? Heres a hint, "I wear black & white striped clothes and white make up, also I am mute so I relay messages by wild gesticulations which has now turned into my profession." For those who still do not know who I am, I laugh at you in silence.
Silent laughter hurts. Obviously, there is no way in hell these were the only two place we would hate living. And we do so love series posts. It gives a sense of suspense. Comment below for where you would not want to live. The cat desires your comments. Please don't disappoint it. (Apologies for the cat picture being small. My picture editing skills are shit.)