Thursday 17 February 2011

Contemplating The Problems Of A Third World Hellhole Part 1

I live in Bangladesh. Bangladesh is a country like no other. It is the world's largest river delta, or in other words made entirely of stuff the other countries didn't want and dumped in their rivers. It is surrounded by evil India (by surrounded I mean we are located in India's asscrack) and shares a small border with Myanmar who isn't so much evil as largely unpleasant. The entire region is displayed in the below picture.

Banglaadesh is incredibly overpopulated. It is so overpopulated that not everyone fits in the country and must resort to standing on top of another person. Sort of like the below picture but uglier. I mean, if your neighbor on the floor above is being a loud asshole you don’t need to poke your roof with a broomstick, all you would need to do is swear at the person standing on top of you and tell him/her to pass it on in a session of Chinese Whisper. With any luck they will improve on your whispered abuse to make sure your intended message gets through.

We have 160 million people in Bangladesh and countless others underwater in the Evil Bay of Tsunamis. Bangladesh is the world's largest importer of Natural Disasters. Tsunamis, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Thunderstorms, Floods, Earthquakes (although if you see the previous posts you may realize that it may be more man made than you think). You name it and the chances are that we are plagued by it.

But back to the overpopulation. Bangladeshi's are dumb. They think just because they're poor they shouldn't buy condoms. Well what they don't understand is that by wearing protection they save costs in the long run. But they're idiots so nothing to do there. Maybe free condoms are the answer.

It doesn't help that Bangladeshi society is so conservative that people often mistake women for ninjas.(I'm not saying they aren't).

Say about 20 to 25 years ago, we had a lot less ninjas in Bangladesh; this is inversely proportional to the number ninjas in Japan. Back then it was, say 5% of all women, right now its 50%. These gauged figures may be fantastic news to which some religious bearded fellows would say ‘Inshallah/ Mashallah, today the idiots, tomorrow the upper-middle class!’ but to me it’s a doomsday hourglass-cum-time bomb and when the percentage reaches 100 it will be time for the second coming of Jesus and Armageddon shall be upon us. So, assassin or believer? Either ways,they are both several hundred years out of date.
Because of the country's unwavering faith in a book made by a prophet/ lying bastard/ retard, people do not indulge in pre-marital sex. This leads to very horny people. So when people do get married, they go batshit crazy and then BAM all of a sudden they have 10 kids and another 14 on the way. This leads to more people standing on top of you, which in turn leads to reduced average height. Yeah, it’s true; a lot of Bangladeshis are short (Thankfully, I’m not but sadly the same can’t be said for Bad Ideas). Damned human pyramids, you participate in them even once and you’re vertically crippled for life.

This hardly is all the problems that plague the not gay side of Bengal so expect another multiple part post in the near future.

That Guy and Bad Ideas

43 comments:

  1. It's so interesting to hear your thoughts on Bangladesh, it's very refreshing to hear because I don't think if I went searching for information about the country I'd get such an honest, real opinion.

    Very compelling :) x

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  2. Your blog makes me want to puke...and yes i just stumbled across it. You should keep your thoughts to yourself mate. Third world country or not if i was given a choice, i would choose to live in Bangladesh any given day. I hope someone kicks some sense into u..or may be u cud simply fall in a manhole and stay there until u get your marbles sorted out !!

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  3. I agree with da anonymous guy before me ...DIE BITCH !! and i aint even a Bangali huh !!

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  4. Well, since you're both anonymous (Why? Are you a ninja as well? Or are you scared? Don't worry. Its the internet. Physical pain is very rare here.) I'll call you Anon 1 and Anon 2.
    @Anon 1 - The point of a blog is to express the opinions and thoughts of the blogger. I once said " What are bloggers but opinionated people with internet connections?" And if you want to live in Bangladesh, good on you my friend. Its quite nice and I like it here. I never said I didn't. I said there are problems in the country just like everywhere else in the world. And if you think I'm a dumbass whose "marbles" need sorting, maybe you should tell me who is more intelligent after seeing your abysmal spelling. It has given me quite the migraine.
    @Anon 2 -the same goes for you my friend. Also could you learn some grammar? thanks.

    That Guy

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  5. I like your sense of humour. (Canadian spelling)

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  6. @Borderlinegirl- Hoping that you were not being sarcastic, thank you. I spell humour the same way.
    @Tunasauce- Thanks. Always nice to meet a fan. (Between you and me, you're only the second)

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  7. That last part is about ppl goin batshit crazy when they get married is soooooo friggin true! lmao! BTW u missed out the part where there are whores inside and outside the parliament!
    I mean directly outside the friggin Shanshad Bhaban! THERE ARE PROSTITUTES AND FAGGOTS!!!!!
    And foreigners think we're conservative!? Heck lets see one of their airports show porn!

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  8. Well you're also anonymous. You can be Anon 3 unless you're either Anon 1 or Anon 2 and had a change of heart. Like I said, there will be a part 2 in the near future and we will hopefully talk about prostitution. And airport porn ftw. I hope I used that right.

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  9. OMG! there are porn in airports there?

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  10. @Anonymous 1 -- I am stalking your mom

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  11. Yes sexy. Porn at the airport. Sure beats those boring ass documentaries at other airports. I love how this post is attracting so many anonymous people.

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  12. Funny how Anonymous don't reveal themselves lol

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  13. If they did they wouldn't be anonymous anymore and then they wouldn't be Anon 1,2,3 and 4

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  14. lmao @ the funniest blog ever. i remain anonymous.

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  15. Anonymous = fail troll. Good post, loved the 'gah a ninja' cartoon.

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  16. Why do you have to abuse india?

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  17. @Anon5- It is not the funniest blog ever. Hyperbole and a Half is.
    @Iron - Thanks. This post is fail trolls galore.
    @Anon6- I abuse India because Bangladesh and India are mortal enemies. We're the little kid who gets bullied around so we secretly bear a fiery anger towards you. But a lot of the uneducated/not-up-to-date-with-current-events Bangladeshis love your country.

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  18. @blogowner
    bangladesh was born out of division by the britishers not out of the hatred for the people who belong there.For those of you who hate or love India are always on the prowl to sneak out into the territory of India,so you basically are accepted here and illegally thrive on our land for years on and on.Yet you are such back-stabbing infiltrators that you say India is evil.

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  19. Pakistan was born out of the division. Bangladesh was born out of the 1971 war against Pakistan (in which India did help us). There is no doubt that there are a lot of Bangladeshi immigrants living illegally across the border. I'm not one of them. I don't speak for them. Is it alright that India is building a dam that will block off two rivers that will have adverse effects in Bangladesh's agriculture? Is it alright that your BSF regularly shoots into Bangladesh killing innocent fisherman/farmers?

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  20. And by the way, since this is a humour blog all jokes are meant in good spirit. I am sorry if I have offended you and have also given my reasons for choosing India as the thing to joke about.

    Regards,
    That Guy

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  21. @blogowner

    fine.I think the govt on your side must have had an agreement or a thing like that with our govt or it isn't the case at all?This issue of constructing a dam has been going on for quite a few years it needs to be resolved some way or the other.Bsf people wouldn't kill innocent people because they protect country.You say any person prowling near the border at the dead of night would definitely arouse suspicions of military and going by their training they have to do their job.yes it is fine your humorous blog!

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  22. Look I didn't mean to offend you. And this is with no offence to you as an indian but to your government.

    Our government is corrupt and spineless. They cannot stand up nor do they act for the benefit of the country. We sent a team of "experts" to review the dam. Before they left, they spoke strongly against the building. When they came back, it was a complete change of heart even though since then countless environmental specialists have maintained that it will affect the agriculture here.

    As for BSF, I agree that they do have license to shoot prowlers in the dead of night. A couple of months ago, there was a case where a girl was captured by the BSF and returned dead 3 days later.

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  23. so there you are,you have your answer.your govt is not so strong and basically depends on countries to sustain your country.But may be with time it can become better.

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  24. Spineless government, yes. Thus me hating on my own country. Neighboring country government taking advantage of spineless government? Thats why i'm hating on your country.

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  25. X.Anonymous.X

    man, u are one seriously frustrated case. write something funny and not some crap abt ur mom being a whore and ur dad being a pimp and ur religion based on lies. on that last part, dude, u sound like the regular, cheap, sodomite.

    and stop writing shit here and bitching abt the flaws...if u really want to make a difference, try to make something good out of urself.

    but then, given the scenerio, i guess u are either too incapable of anything of real significance or that u really are one sad SOB.

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  26. your goverment is spinelss. and so are you.

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  27. Blah,you only bitch like a 3years old girl.Hate, hate some more, train your children to be sadists and "jihadis" and terrorists and die unsatisfied.

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  28. Wow, you're calling me spineless? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S FUCKING ANONYMOUS, YOU JACKASS!

    If you don't think its funny, then don't fucking read it moron.When did I mention parents? Oh maybe when I was banging your mom but thats about it. Can you read? Did you not see that I said religion is stupid? Oh right, you're Indian of course you didn't. Fucktard.

    Its my blog, I'll do whatever the fuck I want. Incapable of anything of real significance? What the hell have you done except be a waste of space, time, energy and oxygen?

    So you bitch with 3 year old girls huh? You sound like a real winner. Train my children to be Jihadis? Nah, I'll pass. Not the "go blow yourself because an imaginary person told you to" type. But you guys know a lot about religion and shit. Afterall you guys worship cow manure don't you?

    As an ending, fuck off.

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  29. TG: don't waste your time and space on people who don't even have the decency to have a name.
    Anyone who is nameless, is also spineless, brainless and soul-less.

    It is better to have a convo with a Zombie.

    Carry on TG, do your thing and you're incredibly good at it! Ignore 'em spooks.

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  30. can you not see why they are anonymous? NINJAS! duh. there are more ninjas in this thread than jizz in a cheap hotel room. probably a family of inbred ninjas and after one of them found this they spread the word to their 500 cousins, siblings and cows and the few of them not living below poverty and being somewhat literate chose to comment and hate

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  31. you bloody Bangladeshis, can't even do a thing apart from bitch about us Indians, who gave you your life. You should worship us. But that is ok. Anyways we will nuke you if u or your bloody people do not listen to our shit. we will bang your wife and make you economically retarded to a point when plague and death will be the only thing your newborns will know. we are your gods. know it. accept it. if you fight it, it doesn't matter. we will still nuke you to get our point across to you.

    P.S.- Check any Indian porn site...you Bangladeshis are the one who fuck their own family. Self explanatory.

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  32. that you got angry proves I am right.

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  33. you are a jihadi. communal, one sad SOB.

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  34. If we don't listen to your shit. NOT LISTENING. I expect a nuke in 2 days. If you fail to deliver, I will have proven you are a fucktarded moron of epic proportions.

    Can I ask why you're anonymous? There can be two reasons. One you're a coward. Two you're so butt ugly that your parents forbid you to show your face.

    And again I prove my point. Read the my comment again. Or are you just that intelligence deficient? Fucktard.

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  35. You are a Bangladeshi. You are a born scum bag. You live on what everyone threw away.

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  36. You are an Indian. You are born a fucktard. You live on kissing bull testicles.

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  37. Anonymous, you sir are a fucktard. And honestly, you make no sense. I'm going to be level headed now.

    What exactly is the problem with the post? I want a straight answer. If you fail to deliver one, I will know you are incapable of sane conversation.

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  38. God dammit! Are you really delusional? Damn, this post is the crappiest post ever! You are like, some sort of sodomite man. Look at the crap you wrote! Can you really read it loud later to your children or is it something your parents taught you? Huh? To hate your nation and bitch about everyone else cos, you are incapable of making some real changes!? God dammit, you are beyond all slang my friend and so is your sense of humour in this particular post...

    tell you something really good? Read Dahl and post reviews...

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  39. Thank you. A somewhat sensible comment. Thats all I wanted.

    Do you not understand that this is a humour blog? Do you not see the 92 followers that found it funny and followed? Do you not see that I don't care if one person doesn't think its funny?

    Look, I am all for constructive criticism. I made this post because overpopulation is a problem, I tried making a joke about it. Obviously, you're too uptight to get it. Again, I don't care if you don't find it funny. This shit is not for kids.

    And now, why did you invade the other posts? The one about the Last Airbender has no mention of your country or mine. So what about that pissed you off? Or are you just a spammer?

    Look, I don't want to continue fighting. How about this? I get where you come from. How about we both apologize as this has escalated too far and both leave this behind us?

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  40. generous ANONYMOUS indian huh u fag? grow some balls to actaully put your name before u go bitchin about someone else's post... and the part about worshiping u indians...eat shit u glass of piss. All u sons of whores can do is make faggoty ass "cinemas" and play cricket. Yeah u'd better go now "YAAR"...or u'll get some serious pwnage
    "THANK U COME AGAIN"....and in case u didn't recognize me That Guy...ami ovik :)

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  41. I got who you are. Thanks but a bit late. I'm hoping the fighting has died down and Anonymous will no longer come around these parts. I've asked the Google gods on how to block him and they have replied. Hopefully it will work.

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