Saturday 19 March 2011

Places That Suck Part 1

Due to poverty, cost of milk and shitstorms all over the world, That Guy and Bad Ideas have brought to you a list of places they really would not want to live. Considering we already live in third world hellholes these places must suck harder than Paris Hilton, which they do. This post brings to you two places we would not want to live in even if somebody moved a lesbian cloud over there ( literally a cloud made of girls who do things to each other ).

Pirates...are cool. I'm talking about the eccentric, swashbuckling types in Pirates of The Caribbean.The more recent piracy is of the internet kind. And a nutless monkey can do that. But what of the trouble on the high seas? Well, only one country is trying to keep up that tradition of capturing rich people, then giving them back for ransom while on boats. But even then it lacks the finesse it used to possess. Of course we are talking about Somalia.

Somalia is quite possibly the worst place on earth. Even worse than East Croydon. Some would say its too easy a target. But we're assholes so we'll kick them while they're down. Somalia is such a lawless crapshack , that it makes Bangladesh look like a part of Scandinavia but less boring with less albinos.

We are lazy bloggers so while we aren't sure we can safely assume that Somalia, being an African nation, has a lack of water as all these 'charitable' organisations keep reminding us that there is not enough water in Africa. Read the previous sentence again after substituting the word 'water' with 'food' and 'safety'. Enough reasons yet? If not then let me inform you that Somalia is a god fearing Muslim nation with not a single KFC outlet.
Do you know what a "baguette" is? Well, you probably do or you're googling it now to find out. The next place we would not want to live is a land whose name strikes fear into the hearts of homophobes all over the world. No not San Francisco, we are obviously talking about France. Lets face it, nobody likes France (I believe this sentiment started with the British but i am not sure when). Sure some people like visiting and looking at their fancy art galleries and their ninja free streets, but seriously, who would want to live in a country run by a midget? I mean, small people are mean.

Now to tackle the more sinister side of France. The side which haunts every tourist like memories of childhood abuse haunt altar boys. Can you guess what it is? Heres a hint, "I wear black & white striped clothes and white make up, also I am mute so I relay messages by wild gesticulations which has now turned into my profession." For those who still do not know who I am, I laugh at you in silence.
Silent laughter hurts. Obviously, there is no way in hell these were the only two place we would hate living. And we do so love series posts. It gives a sense of suspense. Comment below for where you would not want to live. The cat desires your comments. Please don't disappoint it. (Apologies for the cat picture being small. My picture editing skills are shit.)

13 comments:

  1. Follow me!!!!!!!!! Muahzz

    XOXO_XxDarkAngelJxX

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  2. hooray, this is possibly the first spam comment

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  3. man what kind of hell hole doesn't have KFC? Somalia is crossed off my list to travel forever

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  4. @DarkAngel - No. Fuck off.
    @Better - Did you know even Afghanistan has a KFC? Somalia probably killed the colonel as soon as they landed.

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  5. Ooooh mimes, how you scare the hell out of me.

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  6. I saw a real mime in Paris two years ago. I ran away screaming.

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  8. @dead - Mimes are less scary than clowns, I'll give you that. Clowns scare the living shit out of me. Clowns and teletubbies. Weird bug eyed freaks.

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  9. If I saw a real, life-size teletubbie I would shit my pants.

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  10. Nicole, that is the exact reason I carry a knife in my pocket. That teletubby has scarred its last child.

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  11. Good. Anything that happy...or that quiet can't be trusted.

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  12. This is a funny site, good work really now and then I need to just laugh a little and I will come back here for that. Thanks

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  13. @Kelly- I totally agree. Stupid mimes. They should have died with silent films.
    @Mike K - There is a follow button I wouldn't mind you pressing :)

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