If you're under 18, don't let your Mom catch you reading this

WARNING: The following shit is made of material you would not want to use to tailor your kid's money suit. Continuing to read means you lose all rights to complain, also, you suck.

What is it with airline food? I mean, it tastes pretty shit but surprisingly enough you don't puke, which is doubly astonishing because you're on an aeroplane. And why are they the subject of so many incomplete groan-inducing stand up jokes?

 

Another thing I don't get is why vaginas (and genitalia in general) are censored in Japanese porn.That's right, I'm 18, I can (legally) watch porn now, fuck you That Guy, fuck you conservative readers and fuck you Pakistan government (for banning porn, more on that later)! So, Japanese porn. Do Japanese men fear the VJ? Are they disgusted by it? Is it in the models' contract? Is there a law about it? Or do that have some mutual trust with porn companies which go along the lines of "We trust that under the blur there is indeed a vagina, you do not need to show it to us." The same way national banks and the public have a mutual trust regarding currency - "We will give you this amount of gold for that piece of paper, so long as you never ask for the gold ... ever!"

I think sometime last year porn sites were banned in Pakistan. Now I didn't feel the effects of this until a month after the ban for some reason. There was talk of it in school, how people started staring lustfully at their neighbor's cats and how the mule which was previously used to pull the teachers to school in a cart was now available for 'after hours' services. I did not indulge in any of these activities because I still had my porn.

Sorry about the crappy recent posts. Maybe That Guy will make a second part to this? Meh.

Not anymore

It would seem That Guy has been infected with I-enjoy-sympathy virus. I am sure you have all heard of it. It is this virus in action when the hot girl puts her picture online and then, illogical as it is, suggests that she does not look attractive in it. If we delve into how the body works after being infected by the IES virus, there will be no immediately visible changes. Upon closer inspection however one can begin to notice rather disturbing activity. Like that virus fucking with your cells an’ shit.

Yeah, so That Guy’s cells an’ shit couldn’t take the abuse anymore and decided to deal who we both thought to be no-one a low blow by holding hostage the thing of highest value he could from them. For what? Some comments.

Well, it would be pretty stupid if I posted just to criticize the last post (sorry dude). I mean, I didn’t think there were any readers either, I just didn’t care enough to make a post about it. So here’s some extra crap. Let’s see now …

I’m listening to Rammstein a lot nowadays. Their songs are in German except for some which are sung partly in English (Pussy, Amerika) and one that I know of which is in Spanish (Te Quiero Puta!). They could be classed as Metal or Industrial Rock. I also like Buckethead, he is a guitarist. His songs are simply mind-fucking; check out Planeta. No, seriously, do it now. It is unlikely you will dislike it. If you want to know the names of some good Rammstein songs then ask in comments.

Hmm, what to do now that that space-waster is out of the way? I could talk about anime but since none of you care about that I will put it in a later post so you can ignore it altogether.

Oh, what minor superpower would you like to have? A minor super power is what the name suggests but I will elaborate, for two reasons:

• I still think most of the world is too stupid
• Space waster, hehe, but then again, what isn’t a complete waste of space on this blog? I’ll tell you what; the Cowgirls Comedy Award. Because you don’t have one of those and we take pleasure in your displeasure

So, minor super powers. Something out of the ordinary but probably not something that would inspire you to don a cape or get clothed underwear last, that is assuming you’re a DC follower. No offence though, the only thing Marvel’s got on DC are The X-Men and with every new movie they’re dying. On one hand (of Comic Book Guy presumably) we have Batman who is a rich angry shit. On the other hand, we have Spiderman who is a lucky loser and Thor who is a magic bastard. Wait, Ironman’s a rich fuck too. Does that mean they balance out? Nope, DC’s got Watchmen. Don’t take my opinion too seriously though, the only comics (manga not included) I’ve read are ‘The Sandman’ and ‘Asterix and Obelix’. That Guy’s more into comics than me. How did it get from minor superpowers to this? Evidently I have an attention span as poor as Kenny’s family from South Park so I’ll just put up a poll for you to vote on which minor super powers you want.

Actually, it won't be me putting up the poll, it will be That Guy, so this may take a while ...

Possibly The Last Post

It's quite obvious that the blog is dying. From the highs we hit in May to August where our reader number inflated all the way up to the giddy heights of five to now, when I'm convinced only one of them is still alive. So before we go any further, let's thank dirtycowgirl for still being around, somewhat, but that being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got the hell out of this sinking ship now. It would be the sensible thing to do.

The year anniversary of the return to the blog has now past and the post planned for the occasion never turned into reality. Now there are three options for us. The first is to just quit and go away and pretend this sad excuse for a blog never existed. Maybe that would be best. The second is to leave the confines of the services of the Google gods and move away to emo-fuckhole Tumblr or the confusing as hell Wordpress. More and more people like those things. You don't need Google IDs to comment. Sounds good. The third is to continue to struggle with our lonely blog as we have for so long. We could start posting more. But without any comments and shit, what's in it for us? Why should we be motivated to continue?

The demise of this blog is not only due to the abandonment of 4 of our readers. I suppose we have to take blame as well. We’re lazy bastards. We’ve always been lazy bastards but we used to still spew out more garbage for our few minions. What’s happened to us, Bad Ideas?

I suppose the initial excitement of finding out our blog is being read somewhere around the world has died down. The fluttery happiness of finding a new follower has vanished and has been replaced with cold indifference. We both have studies to pretend to do. A site named 9gag has stolen both our souls and now we spend more time than a sensible person should not spend on anything other than scrubbing his privates after seeing a lady of the night in Bangkok, on this site. I write more than I should as I churn out shitty writing for a shitty paper, which by the way was something Bad Ideas convinced me to do. He…watches anime. Both of us are sad fucks and pathetic excuses for, well not for human beings, pathetic excuses for people our age.

We’re socially awkward losers. There’s no denying it. But that’s probably why we have a blog. The internet is the safe haven of losers like us. But now I return to the original question posed by this incessantly long post, what do we do about the blog? I don’t expect any comments and replies. The lack will be answer enough. But somehow, deep down, I’m hoping somebody will tell us to stay. But whether that will happen remains to be seen. And now, goodbye, perhaps for the last time.

That Guy

Oh and here’s a picture of Good Guy Greg. A meme. Something I found on 9gag.

Reginald

Hmm, this is to distract you while That Guy works on the real post. It's something I wrote in my English class. Got a 24 out of 25. Most others in the class are stupid. So, here it is:

Reginald is an expensive name. It cannot simply be bestowed upon anyone. To be even considered eligible for the label of 'Reginald' one has to be born into wealth measured in British Pounds; no other currency will do. After being given the title of 'Reginald' one has a certain duty to society. They need to be able to ride a horse with a certain level of elegance. Later in life, 'Reginald' will need to develop myopia or any similar optical disability which warrants the use of a monocle. 'Reginald' must, at all times, carry a golden pocket-watch upon their person and speak with a thick British accent. Reginald's attire ranges from a suit with a top hat to a suit without a top hat. When it comes to facial hair, some liberty is allowed, though mutton chops accompanied by a moustache are strongly recommended.

What other traits does a Reginald have? Do you know a Reginald who does not conform to the unwritten laws which govern him? If you were offended by this let me tell you you were not the first. This shark was offended too.

Contemplating the problems of a third world hellhole Part 2

Let's make this short; I have Game of Thrones to get back to. And then eventually, studying to do.

There are several reasons as to why traveling across road in Bangladesh will get you killed more often than having an elephant drop a piano on you, the most prominent being that elephants do not usually drop pianos on people. And then there are the more obvious reasons such as ill maintenance, corruption (the third world favourite), religion, bad weather, drugs, rampaging mon, Burmese streakers (Myanmar-ese? Mayonaise?), religion, capitalism, Pizza Hut, women driving, religion and our favourite, stupidity.

Highly improbable scenario

Highly fucking ridiculous scenario

Highly humorous but still fucking near impossible scenario

Bangladesh is a country full of shitty roads. Where a natural absence of roads would provide a better route, roads are built halfway and then abandoned due to a mysterious lack of funds while a not-so-slick politician moonwalks away with a significantly fatter wallet or purse.

With roads as shitty as ours and with population as dense (in both senses; stupid and high in number) as ours … you really don’t get anywhere. We can’t handle the traffic problems like the population by piling cars on top of each other because let’s face it, that would just look weird right? So with no chance of us driving, we don’t really get any drivers in Bangladesh. But however if you still drive a car in Bangladesh (against what nature intended) you have to be patient. If you aren’t, you will have to partake in a swearing match with a nearby rickshaw puller which you are almost guaranteed to lose. But the few drivers we have can be divided into two categories; raving loonies and incredibly skilled people who probably should earn more but don't thus sliding further into poverty.

Most ‘drivers’ here do not have driving licenses. About 80% of those people drive 20 ton cargo trucks carrying anything from cows to cadavers. Match that with broken down roads and mysteriously high blood alcohol levels and well, you get the picture. We do have people to fix these problems. We are told that we have a Road Minister to deal with shit. We also have a Communications Minister who builds bridges while stuffing his pockets with cash stolen from the budget while claiming Wikileaks lies about him and that he is a "proven honest man". Both of the officials mentioned are dumber than a holiday in the Horn of Africa.

A lot of these traffic problems can be attributed to over-centralisation of the capital, Dhaka (read: the shithole where That Guy lives). Dhaka is pretty much the only city in Bangladesh according to the rule that a city is a town which has more than 3 decent ice cream places. The rest of the country is grassland, rivers, flooded plains, villages, homeless people and other people who have nothing better to do than stand on the side of the road. Everything is concentrated in Dhaka. Factories, industry, commerce, education, sluts without AIDS, people that run you in with a knife and then forget to take your money, proper healthcare. All that shit is in the capital and you have to travel the already perilous roads to use them.

Hell, even the Navy headquarters are in Dhaka despite there not being a water body that can be sailed by Navy battleships anywhere near Dhaka. We also have the Army headquarters smack in the middle of the city. Why? Because they can bully the government into letting them take a fucking huge piece of land in the city, forcing traffic to move around it causing yet more traffic jams. Motherfuckers. Why would we need the Army in Dhaka anyway? If someone's attacking it'll be near the border, jackasses. That reminds me, the Border Guards also have a giant piece of land in the city. Right near my house. Because land is in abundance in our country.

Now Bad Ideas has to add something to the post other than a few extra words here and there. I’m the one who makes the pictures you ass! Anyways, since I’m not so knowledgeable about Bangladesh, I’ll write about where I live, God’s magical fictional country Pakiland. Okay, I’m getting this content from straight from the Paki’s mouth. Women cannot fornicate in this country, otherwise its 100 lashes for them, which is pretty much as the same as a death sentence (or half-death sentence), just more fucking painful. Neither can men (fornicate, that is) but hey, with all the chauvinistic bastards in parliament they’ll find a way to free them. Fornicate sounds like something you would do to goats … yeah, I’ll use a different word next time.

You can have up to 4 wives here. “It’s the law,” he says. So because of this influenced by their fairy-tale-like law people often abduct women with marriage proposal-advertisements. This is one of the only countries where every ‘Why aren’t you in the kitchen?’ joke comes true, at least once every day. Worse on the list would be Saudi, Iran and Afghanistan. We tackled Saudi previously and Afghanistan would be too easy right? But we will probably get to it, eventually, maybe.

Now, if you excuse me (That Guy), I have to go sit in crippling traffic for a few hours in search of ice cream.